Arabian Nights Entertainments (1706)/Volume 5/The Second Brother

The Story of the Barber’s Second Brother.

MY Second Brother, who. was called Backbarah the Toothless, going one Day through the City, met an old Woman in an out Street; she came to him presently, and says, I want one Word with you, pray stop one Moment. He did fo, and ask’d her what she would have. If you will come along with me, says she, I will bring you into a lately Palace, where you shall see a Lady as fair as the Day. She will receive you with abundance of Pleafure, and give you a Treat with excellent Wine, I need say no more to you. But is what you say true? replied my Brother; I am no lying Hussey, replies the old Woman, I say nothing to you but what is true. But hark, I have something to ask of you. You must be wise, you must speak but little, and you must be mighty Complaisant. Backbarah agreed to all this. The old Woman went before, and he followed after. They came to the Gate of a great Palace, where there were Abundance of Officers and Domesticks. Some of them would have stopped my Brother, but no sooner did the old Woman speak to them, but they let him pass. Then turning to my Brother, she says to him, you must remember that the young Lady I bring you to, loves good Nature and Modesty, and cannot endure to be contradicted; if you please her in that, you may be sure to obtain of her what you please. Backbarah thank’d her for this Advice, and promis’d to follow it.

She brought him into a fine Apartment, which was a great square Building, answerable to the Magnificence of the Palace. There was a Gallery round it, and a very fine Garden in the Middle. The old Woman made him fit down upon a Sopha very well trimm’d, and bid him stay a Moment, till she went ta tell the young Lady of his being come.

My Brother who had never been in such a stately Place before, gaz’d upon all the fine Things that he saw; and judging of his good Fortune by the Magnificence of the Palace, he was scarcely able to contain himself for Joy. By and by he heard a great Noise, occasion’d by a Troop of merry Slaves, who came towards him with loud Fits of Laughter, and in the Middle of them he perceived a young Lady of extraordinary Beauty, who was easily known to be their Mistress by the Respect they paid her. Backbarah, who expected private Conversation with the Lady, was extreamly surpriz’d when he saw so much Company with her. In the mean Time, the Slaves put on a grave Countenance when they drew near; and when the young Lady came up to the Sopha, my Brother rose up and made her a low Bow. She took the upper Hand, pray’d him to sit down, and says to him, with a smiling Countenance, I am mighty glad to see you, and wish you all the Happiness you can desire. Madam, replies Backbarah, I cannot desire a greater Happiness than to be in your Company. You seem to be of a Humour, says she, and to have a Mind that we should pass the Time pleasantly together.

She forthwith commanded a Collation to be brought and immediately a Table was cover’d with several Baskets of Fruit and Confections. The Lady sat down at the Table with the Slaves and my Brother; and he being placed just over against her, when he open d his Mouth to eat, she perceiv’d he had no Teeth; and taking Notice of it to her Slaves, she and they laugh’d at him heartily. Backbarah, from time to time, lifted up his Head to look at her, and perceiving her laugh, thought it was for Joy of his Company, and flatter’d himself that she would speedily send away her Slaves, and be with him alone. She judg’d what was his Mind, and pleasing herself to flatter him in his Mistake, she gave him abundance of sweet Words, and presented him the best of every thing with her own Hand. The Treat being done, they rose from Table, when ten Slaves took Musical Instruments, and began to play and fing, and others went to dance. My Brother to make them Sport, did likewise dance, and the Lady danced with him. After they had danced some time, they sat down to take Breath, and the young Lady calling tor a Glass of Wine, look’d upon my Brother with a smiling Countenance, to signify, that she was going to drink his Health. He rose up, and stood while she drank. When she had done, instead of giving back the Glass, she order’d it to be fill’d, and presented it to my Brother, that be might Pledge her.

Scheherazade perceiving Day, broke off her Story, and continu’d it next Night in the following manner.

The Hundred and Seventy Firſt Night.

SR, ſays ſhe to the Sultan, the Barber went on thus. My Brother took the Glaſs from the young Lady’s Hand, which he kiſs’d at the ſame time, and ſtood and drank to her, in Acknowleegment of the Favour ſhe had done him. Then the Young Lady made him fit down by her, and began to careſs him. She put her Hand behind his Head, and gave him ſome Tips from time to time, with her Fingers: Raviſh’d with thoſe Favours, he thought himſelf the happieſt Man in the World, and had a great Mind to toy alſo with the charming Lady, but durſt not take that Liberty before ſo many Slaves, who had their Eyes upon him, and laughed at their Lady’s wanton Tricks. The young Lady continu’d to tip him with her Fingers, but at laſt gave him ſuch a ſound Box on the Ear that he grew angry at it; the Colour came in his Face, and he roſe up to ſit at a greater Diſtance from ſuch a rude Play-fellow. Then. the old Woman, who brought him thither, gave him a Look, to let him know that he was in the wrong, and that he had forgot the Advice ſhe gave him, to be very Complaiſant. He own’d his Fault, and in order to make Amends, he went near the young Lady again, pretending that he did not go away out of any bad Humour. She drew him by the Arm, made him ſit down by her again, and gave him a thouſand malicious Hugs. Her Slaves came in for a part of the Diverſion: One, gave poor Backbarah a Filip on the Noſe with all her Strength; another pull’d him by the Ears, as if ſhe would have pluck’d ’em off; and others box’d him fo, as might ſhew they were not in jeſt. My Brother ſuffer’d all this with admirable Patience, affected a gay Air, and looking to the old Woman ſays to her with a forc’d Smile, You told me, indeed, that I ſhould find the Lady very good, very pleaſant, and very charming; I muſt own I am mightily oblig’d to you! All this is nothing, replies the old Woman: Let her go on, you will fee another Thing by and by. Then the young Lady ſays to him, Brother you are a brave Man, I am glad to find you are of ſo good an Humour, and ſo Complaiſant to bear with my little Capricio’s; your Humour is exactly like mine. Madam, reply’d Backbarah, who was charm’d with this Diſcourſe, I am no more my own Man, I am wholly yours, you may diſpoſe of me as you pleaſe. O! how you oblige me, ſays the Lady, by ſo much Submiſſion: I am very well ſatisfy’d with you, and will have you to be ſo with me; bring him Perfume, ſays ſhe, and Roſe-water. Upon this, two Slaves went out and returned ſpeedily; one with a Silver Perfume-Box, with the beſt Wood of Aloes, with which ſhe perfum’d him; and the other with Roſe-water, which ſhe threw on his Hands and Face. My Brother was quite beſide himſelf at this honourable Treatment. After this Ceremony, the young Lady commanded the Slaves, who had already play’d on their Inſtruments, and ſung, to renew their Concerts. They obey’d, and in the mean time the Lady call’d another Slave, and order’d her to carry my Brother with her, and do what ſhe knew, and bring him back to her again. Backbarah, who heard this Order, got up quickly, and going to the old Woman, who alſo roſe up to go along with him and the Slave, pray’d her to tell him what they were to do with him. My Miſtreſs is only curious, reply’d the old Woman ſoffly; ſhe has a Mind to ſee how you look in a Woman’s Dreſs, and this Slave who has Orders to paint your Eye-brows, to cut off your Whiskers, and to dreſs you like a Woman. You may paint my Brows as much as you pleaſe, ſays my Brother, I agree to that, becauſe I can waſh it off again; but to ſhave me, you know I muſt not allow that. How can I appear abroad again without Muſtacho’s. Beware of refuſing what’s ask’d of you, ſays the old Woman: You will ſpoil your Affairs, which go on new as well as Heart can wiſh. The Lady loves you, and has a Mind to make you happy; and will you, for a naſty Whisker, renounce the moſt delicious Favour that Man can obtain? Backbarah liſten’d to the old Woman, and without ſaying one Word, went to a Chamber with the Slave, where they painted his Eye-brows with Red, cut off his Whiskers, and went to do the like with his Beard. My Brother’s Patience then began to wear out: O! ſays he, I will never part with my Beard. The Slave told him, that it was to no purpoſe to have parted with his Whiskers, it he would not alſo part with his Beard, which could never agree with a Woman’s Dreſs; and ſhe wondred, that a Man, who was upon the Point to enjoy the fineſt Lady in Bagdad, ſhould have any Regard to his Beard. The old Woman threatned him with the Loſs of the young Lady’s Favour; ſo that at laſt he let them do what they would. When he was dreſs’d like a Woman, they brought him before the young Lady, who laughed ſo heartily when ſhe ſaw him, that ſhe fell backward on the Sopha where ſhe ſat. The Slaves laugh’d and clapt their Hands, ſo that my Brother was quite out of Countenance. The young Lady got up, and ſtill laughing ſays to him, after ſo much Complaiſance for me, I ſhould be very much in the wrong not to love you with all my Heart: But there’s one Thing more you muſt do for me, and that is, to dance as we do. He obey’d, and the young Lady and her Slaves danced with him, laughing as if they had been mad. After they had danced ſome time with him, they all fell upon the poor wretch, and did ſo box and kick him, that he fell down like one out of his Senſes. The old Woman helped him up again; and that he might not have Time to think of his ill Treatment, ſhe bid him take Courage, and whiſper’d in his Ear, that all his Sufferings were at an End, and that he was juſt about to receive his Reward.

Day-light beginning to appear, Scheherazade broke off her Story, and continu’d it the next Night, as follows.

The Hundred and Seventy Second Night.

THE old Woman continu’d her Diſcourſe to Backbarah thus: You have only one Thing more to do, and that is but a ſmall one. You muſt know, that my Miſtreſs has a Cuſtom, when ſhe has drank a little, as you ſee ſhe has done to day, to let no body that ſhe loves come near her, except they be ſtript to their Shirt; and when they have done ſo, ſne takes a little Advantage of them, and ſets a running before them through the Gallery, and from Chamber to Chamber till they catch her. This is one more of her Humours: What Advantage ſo ever ſhe takes of you, conſidering of your Nimbleneſs and Inclination to the Work, you will ſoon overtake her; ſtrip your ſelf then to your Shirt, and undreſs your ſelf without Delay.

My ſilly Brother, ſays the Barber, had done too much to ſtick at any thing now He undreſſed himſelf; and in the mean Time the young Lady was ſtript to her Shift and Under-Peticoat, that ſhe might run the more nimbly. When they were ready to run, the young Lady took the Advantage of 20 Paces, and then fell a running with ſurpriſing Swiftneſs; My Brother follow’d her as faſt as he could; the Slaves in the mean time laughing aloud and clapping their Hands. The young Lady, inſtead of loſing Ground, gain’d upon my Brother; ſhe made him run two or three times round the Gallery, and then running into a long dark Entry, got away by a Paſſage which ſhe knew. Backbarah, who ſtill followed her, having loſt Sight of her in the Entry, was obliged to ſlacken his Pace, becauſe of the Darknefs of the Place: At laſt perceiving a Light, he ran towards it, and went out a Door which was immediately ſhut upon him. You may imagine that he was mightily ſurprized to find himſelt in a Street inhabited by Curriers, and they were no leſs ſurpriz’d to ſee him in his Shirt, his Eyebrows painted red, and without Beard or Muſtacho’s: They began to clap their Hands and ſhout at him, and ſome of them ran after him, and laſh’d his Buttocks with Pieces of Leather. Then they ſtopp’d, and ſet him upon an Aſs which they met by Chance, and carry’d him through the Town expoſed to the Laughter of the People.

And to compleat his Misfortune, as he went by the Houſe of a Juftice of Peace, he would needs know the Cauſe of the Tumult. The Curriers told him, that they ſaw him come out in that Condition at the Gate of the Apartment of the Grand Viſier’s Lady, which open’d into their Street; upon which the Juſtice order’d unfortunate Backbarah to have 100 Blows with a Cane on the Soles of his Feet, and ſent him out of the Town, with Orders never to return again.

Thus, Commander of the Faithful, ſays I, to the Califf Moſcanſer Billah, I have given an Account of the Adventure of my Second Brother, who did not know that our greateſt Ladies divert themſelves ſometimes by putting fuch Tricks upon young People, that are ſo fooliſh to be catch’d in their Snares.

Scheherazade was oblig’d to ſtop here, becauſe Day appeared and next Night diverted the Sultan with the following Story.