Adolph Zukor and Jesse L. Lasky
celebrated stage success
starring Eddie Cantor
B. P. SCHULBERG
Associate Producer, West Coast Studios
FAMOUS PLAYERS-LASKY CORPORATION
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Screen play by
George Marion, Jr.
E. Lloyd Sheldon
PASSED BY THE NATIONAL BOARD OF REVIEW
By July, the postmen have delivered quite a few of the valentines mailed in February.
You've got no class,
Don't look in a mirror—
You'll break the glass!
Samuel (Kid) Boots—an example of nature's wasteful ways. Why put house detective ears on a tailor?
You'll break the glass!
Take Me Home
THE BARGAIN HOUSE
SPORT CLOTHES & SPECIALTY
Big Boyle, a physical culture expert—more physical than cultured.
Clara McCoy—responsible for many accidents by making men look where they're not going.
"You big egg—leaving me here in the hot sun, while you've been under there in the shade!"
"And you don't go anywhere with me—until you buy a clean suit."
"If I sell him a suit, do I stay?"
"I want a one-button golf suit."
"I said one-button!"
"How your shoulders fill out that coat!"
"What do you think it's worth?"
"Half of what you're going to ask."
"Boy, a near-sighted moth will never find these rompers!"
"Death's too easy for that shrimp—but it's the best I can think of just now."
"Some girls crave good-looking men—I just want 'em reliable!"
Tom Sterling was also having trouble with a suit——a divorce suit.
"I know it's all good, clean fun—but I need my car."
Carmen Mendoza, a girl with Missouri legs—the kind that have to be shown.
"Yes, Tom—I've come back to you."
"The decree isn't final till next Thursday. And besides—I love you—"
"I see you've read the morning papers."
THREE MILLION DOLLARS TO THOMAS STERLING
Settlement of Estate Gains Young Sportsman a Fortune
"A football party—a few friends—a frame-up marriage—admitted that much in the divorce court!"
"Your wife's lawyer, sir. Glad to see you're living together again—"
"We've never lived together—and we never will!"
"My dear boy, we find you two alone together. Legally, that means you've forgiven her."
"You mean I can't get my final decree because I've been alone with her?"
"Unless you produce a witness to prove you were not alone!"
"—and my witness!"
"Yes—and I'm a testifying fool!"
"We'll see you in court at Los Pasos next Thursday."
"We'll land him yet—if we can get rid of that goofy witness."
Tom vanished—with bag, baggage and Kid Boots—and next day with a new golf instructor reached the Belmore Gables Hotel.
"I'm the new golf professional. Here's a letter to Mr. Belmore, the owner of the hotel."
There is always one girl at a mountain resort who makes the other girls wish they had gone to the seashore.
"Remember—you're not free till Thursday."
"I'm Mr. Belmore."
"My daughter will want lessons. Her form isn't what it used to be."
"Pardon me—this is my daughter, Eleanor."
"He's hiding away as a golf professional at Belmore Gables. I traced his baggage."
"We've got to work fast. Only two more days before Thursday."
That afternoon Kid Boots began to pick up a lot about golf.
"They think they know me."
"Excuse me—I didn't know you were the lady I was kicking!"
"Let's have a swim."
Before long, Eleanor had learned a lot about golf—and Tom had forgotten everything.
"I forgot to give you any sugar—"
The day before Thursday—
"She's the golf professional's wife—here to surprise him. Could she have the suite next to his?"
"That's his witness! Vamp him away! It's a cinch—he's girl-crazy!"
"I'll be right back."
"How about tea for two at four?"
"And I got to going with you because you looked reliable."
"That dame won't show up—but I'll be there—laughing like a fool!"
"All right, stick around—because when I'm full of tea—women can't keep their hands off me!"
Only half of Kid Boots' party for two showed up.
"There's something I'd like to tell you but I can't—until tomorrow."
"It will be easier to explain—if you'll only come to the Courthouse in Los Pasos in the morning."
"Don't forget we're dining out, my dear. It's time to dress—"
"I'll be at Los Pasos tomorrow morning."
"Someone moved in next to me?"
"Tell Kid Boots to meet me at my car—right away."
"We're leaving for Los Pasos. My wife's here—in the suite right next to mine."
"You go—I'll take your place in your room tonight. We'll beat them at their own game."
"Don't worry about this witness. I'll get rid of him before night."
"Would you mind coming to the caddy house? I want to consult you on a legal matter."
"What's the legal penalty for knocking a man out?"
"That's assault and battery—ten years' hard labor."
"Unless, of course, it's an accident."
"Gracious—what an accident!"
"You're late, Mr. Hemingway."
"You know what the electric chair is for?"
"Yes, but I'm innocent."
"A man in your condition can stand only fifty volts."
"Sorry you were late. Now I'll have to keep my appointments at the hotel—"
"—but my assistant here will take good care of you."
"Goodbye—I feel much better."
"Not over fifty volts—"
"Would you care to make a dying statement?"
"No, dearie, I'm too busy to take my ukelele lesson today."
For Kid Boots, the painful path of duty led to—his pal's bedroom.
Thursday morning—and with the first sparrow-twitter, Clara was up and on the warpath—
"I want a word with you—and I don't mean maybe. Where's my Kid Boots?"
"I don't want your Kid Boots—the only man I love is in the next room—"
"—he's a regular wildcat at love—"
"If you want more proof that he's not Kid Boots, take a look at him."
"Let's get out of here before Tom wakes up."
"Right—and I have the clerk's sworn statement that you spent the night here."
At the Los Pasos Courthouse, Tom Sterling found Eleanor—and twenty hostile affidavits.
"I had engine trouble, your Honor, and spent the night in my car. Someone else was in my bedroom."
"I'm afraid you'll have to produce that someone."
"If you'll give him time to get here, I'll phone him."
"I'll give you exactly thirty minutes."
"I'm in a terrible jam! You've only got thirty minutes to get here! Your one chance is an aeroplane!"
"Please, I've got to get to the flying field!"
"Don't speak to me—you wildcat lover...."
"I saw you this morning in the bedroom—with your tea-time two-timer!"
"If you'll stick to that story in court—Tom Sterling will win his case."
"—and if you give me a chance, I'll explain everything—I mean everything."
"You might as well take off that parachute outfit—the ship won't be ready for an hour."
"There's a short cut over the mountains—and you're welcome to the horses."
"They're heading for the Courthouse—looks like they're eloping."
"Hey, judge—we've got the fishin' tackle in the car."
"The time of this Court is very valuable. We will proceed with the hearing."
"Horses—Horses—Horses—crazy over Horses—Horses—Horses—"
"It's all right—I'm right behind you!"
"I'm not in any position to ask you, but when I get on my feet, will you marry me?"
"Pardon me, but how long are you going to hang around my girl?"
"Till death do us part!"
"If you love me—marry him!"
"Never—I'd rather be your corpse than his bride!"
"Leggo—or I'll sever the connection!"
"Just a minute, Master Mind—let's talk this over."
"I'll go up and fix it."
"—and that woman says to me—"
"I've heard enough! Decree granted!"
"Pardon—you won't need this any more."