New proverbs, on the pride of women, or The vanity of this world displayed

THE

NEW PROVERBS,

on

The Pride of Women;

or the

Vanity of this world diſplayed.

PARTS FIRST AND SECOND.

To which is added,

An excellent Receipt to all young men who want Wives, how to wale them by the mouth as Mungo did his Mare. Alſo a deſcription of the vain Girls who wear the Crazy Jones, which hang over the back of their heads lke a Chimney-ſweeper's night-cap, or a bibly Jocks ſnout.

 

 

Entered according to Order. 1799

THE

New Proverbs on the Pride of Women.

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A Woman who has haughty looks, is under the infection of a plague, even pride. She is ignorant of herſelf, and thinks as much as ſhe is her own maker, always deſpiſing her fellow creatures, as if ſhe was not of the ſeed of Adam.

2. Her eyes being always bent upwards, toward the ſkies, in my opinion, ſuch women come from the world of the moon, and look backwards towards ⟨their⟩ native country

3. She who is partón full of pride, is empty ⟨of⟩ virtue. O how wife in her own eyes is ſhe! eloquent in ſpeech, expert in law without experience.

4. He that joins with ſuch a woman, binds ⟨himſelf⟩ to be a galley ſlave all the days of his life; he ⟨muſt⟩ fight againſt wind and waves, and tow her to ⟨his⟩ grave's mouth, if the ſink not; for ſhe cannot be ⟨sold.⟩

5 Woe's me! for many women are weighed ⟨down⟩ with folly, lifted up with vanity, and deeply wounded being ſo in love with themſelves that their ⟨heart⟩ pine away with hatred and ſorrow, becauſe ⟨the⟩ neighbours are exalted above them.

6. This is a sore evil which cleaveth to the ⟨daughters⟩ of Eve, handed down from mother to ⟨daughter⟩ from one generation to another

7. No ſooner have they got judgement to ⟨diſcern⟩ between the right hand and the left, but they are carried (illegible text) away to be tanght by Madam Vanity, ⟨the⟩ daughter of Lucifer, who brings then into the ⟨college⟩ of Contradiction, which ſtands in the town ⟨of⟩ Contention:

8. Here they are catechiſed in all the arts of bu(illegible text)ings, ſuch as painting of the face, and plaiting of ⟨the⟩ hair, and fixing theſe high crowned caps and head dreſſes, piled on their heads like a beeſe(illegible text) (illegible text) a quoil of hay, and even kilting their petticoats (illegible text) the rump.

9 Come all ye dumb brutes, cats, dogs, and other ⟨creatures⟩, and behold a fooliſh people, walking on ⟨earth⟩, as if they were not of the earth, decking their ⟨bodies⟩ with brats, and their bellies with beef, and yet ⟨you⟩ in rough ſkins, ſeem as comely in your kinds, and ⟨more⟩ obedient to your Maker and maſter than they.

10. Come, come ye lillies of the field, and roſes of ⟨the⟩ garden, and behold how queens, princeſſes, and ⟨counteſſes⟩, are counterfeited by poor clipſarts of ⟨vanity⟩, going to church with the robes of ⟨unrighteouſneſs⟩ round their rumple; wih a diſplayed banner ⟨of⟩ painted hypocriſy in ⟨their⟩ right hand, to guard ⟨their⟩ faces from the ſun. O but the lillies outſhine ⟨the⟩ laſſes for beauty: the roſes rejoice and affront ⟨them⟩, while they, like howlets, hide their faces from ⟨the⟩ beams of the ſun, as if their faces were fiſh, and ⟨their⟩ hides hind's tongues; they abbor the bright ⟨beams⟩ thereof as a cat does muſtard

11 Many of theſe women are more dangerous, ⟨than⟩ the mouths of devouring cannons; though they ⟨appear⟩ as angels in the church, they are as ſerpents ⟨in⟩ the ſheets, and as Beelzebub above the blankets: Woe's the man that marries ſuch a woman, he had better be wedded to his ſtaff, and go to bed with ⟨the⟩ beetle in his buſom.

CHAP. II.

HE who gets a ſcolding wife, and a mortifying goodmother, had better be buried alive; for the one will cry him deaf and the other will waſte his money and his meat? fill his belly with wind and his heart with ſorrow till with hunger and anger he will die a double death every day.

2. He that marries a gentle wife without a weighty purſe of gold, or as good a portion, binds himſelf to be his lady's page, his own ſervant, captain Clout's coachman, and Mr. Poverty's poſtilion, all the days of his life.

3. The care of ſuch a woman is to clothe her antiquity: if her huſband ſhould go naked, ſhe labours with her tongue, not with her hands, deſcribing the genealogy of her forefathers, the gentleneſs of her blood and of her huſband's deſcent, who never came to honour and poverty till he came to her.

4 He that weds for money is a miſer, and he for beauty a fool; but he that for virtue and the other two is wiſer than the weaver who took a wife and would have nothing becauſe he had nothing of his own.

5 And the reaſon was, becauſe his wife might ſay, I have made thee rich with my tocher, when thou had nothing at all.

6. He that marries a widow for her pelf, had better marry a whore if ſhe be handſome and wholeſome; for the widow will be upbraiding him with the wealth and pleaſure ſhe had with her former huſbund, who is always the beſt, becauſe he is gone.

7 Whereas the whore will be aſhamed to ſpeak of her former pleaſures, becauſe they were ſtolen, ſmuggled and unlawful; but rather ſhe will rejoice, love, and eſteem thee, when ſhe enjoys the ſame without fear, ſcandal, ſhame or reproach.

8. He that marries a widow, let it be with one who had a huſband that gave her blows on every ſide for her breakfaſt. and was hanged for ſtealing, that ſhe may have to ſay ſhe had got the beſt huſband to her laſt And if thou do not ſo, thou art a poor wretch, I'll warrant you.

CHAP. II.

IT is moſt natural for every ſex to have a deſire towards its fellows, and without the company of each other they have no mutual happineſs.

2. Is it not reaſonable for thee, O man! who art reſolved to join thyſelf to a wife, that thou join thy houſe together firſt by a mathematical order, with couples and cumſoiling above, and pleniſh it below.

3 Go to the birds, and be not blindfolded, who ⟨build⟩ their neſt, lay their eggs before they hatch ⟨their⟩ young Be not ſo fooliſh, as to have a child, ⟨before⟩ you have a wife, nor a wife before you have ⟨a⟩ houſe to hold her in.

4. Stuff thy houſe with all manner of furniture ⟨necessary⟩ for the family, marry thy wife in the pudding ⟨month⟩, and thou ſhalt have warmneſs all the winter.

5. Beware of running too faſt, leſt you come to fall, (illegible text) the fair ſex have ſhort heels, and often fall ⟨backwards⟩ when hearing of the voice of wedlock ⟨ſwooning⟩ away, for the joy of a relief long looked for; ⟨behold⟩ them not when they turn up their ten toes, (illegible text) thou fall into the trap from whence there is no ⟨turning⟩ without committing great wickedneſs.

6. But when thou goeſt to chooſe a wife, wale her (illegible text) the mouth, as Mungo did his mare; for by her ⟨words⟩ you may know whether ſhe be a wiſe woman ⟨or⟩ a fool.

7 If ſhe be poor, proud, and prideful, turn the ⟨back⟩ of your hand to her, and your face to another; (illegible text) ſhe is the worſt pernyworth ever came into a ⟨poor⟩ man's pack-ſheet yea happy is he that goes home ⟨with⟩ the toom halter without her.

8. But if you chance to admire the charms of one ⟨who⟩ is black and lovely, decent and diſcreet, honeſt ⟨and⟩ virtuous, tho' never ſo poor; cleave thou unto her ⟨by⟩ all means, for ſuch a woman will hold thee as her (illegible text)d and huſband, then shalt thou reign as a king ⟨for⟩ thine own houſe, and all thy family ſhall be ⟨subject⟩ unto thee

⟨9⟩. For if thou marry one who thinks herſelf wiſer ⟨than⟩ thyſelf, the will uſurp your authority, counter(illegible text)d thy orders, and hold thee more like her monkey ⟨than⟩ her huſband or maſter.

⟨10⟩ Keep not private company with a woman that (illegible text) great singer, nor a girl who is game-like, for (illegible text) rolling of the eye and the ſweetneſs of the voice, ⟨encourage⟩ men to commit wickedneſs.

⟨11⟩. Take not a wife that is tear-minded for ſuch commonly is unchaſte diſpoſed, ſoon angry, and as ſoon pleaſed; eaſily perſuaded to do any thing; and ⟨when⟩ tempted, will not ſtand to hornify your head; for ⟨ſuch⟩ are live louſe's children.

12 Neither do ye encounter with one who is ⟨tall⟩ for ſuch long people, when they fall are too heavy to riſe. But the beſt way under the ſun is to marry, and ſo continue, Look back to dorty maidens, and give them the ſcornful catalogue as follows:

13 O ye haughty maids, mock my proverbs, and I'll mock your pride Sigh for a man when it is too late, and ſend for him when he will not come. ⟨Your⟩ ſong in youth is, "I'm o'er young to marry yet, until the wrinkles riſe on your face like the back ⟨of⟩ a ram horn, and have but one tooth, bound in ⟨with⟩ a rag! Then make a chanter of your thumbs, ⟨and⟩ drone of your fingers, and play,

Fain would I marry a man juſt now,
I've loſt my time and my lover too.

14 And here I ſhall be ſilent for a ſhort time then ſhall I vex Vanity once more. Let one ſay I am a rattle-ſkull, another, He is jumbled in his judgment or diſturbed in his ſtudies; ſo I make an end, leſt alſo, they ſay I am become a preacher, and every tra(illegible text) is encroaching upon another Now he that wonders at my folly, I will wonder at his wiſdom, and ⟨that⟩ are we even one with another.

The End of the First Part.

PART. II.

COME, O men and miniſters, and behold ⟨madmen⟩ and fooliſh women, ruſhing into the bonds ⟨of⟩ wedlock, as the horſa doth into the battle.

2. No, no, no holding back, but John Slothe ⟨and⟩ Maggy Idle muſt be married, even becauſe they ⟨have⟩ no means but meanneſs, no teacher but luſt, no w(illegible text) but wickedneſs; no wealth but wanton folly, and ⟨роor⟩ pride is all their poſſeſſion, antiquity only excepted,

⟨3⟩. For he is the honourable laird of Sluggard-field's ⟨son⟩, and ſhe is the daughter of Slipmylabour.

4 Behold he goeth with his garters unbound, his ⟨boſom⟩ bare, holding up his breeches with his hands.

5 Up gets Maggy in the morning againſt the hour (illegible text)nine, whether it be day-light or not, but not ⟨without⟩ the power of a pearſer, for ſhe covers herſelf ⟨with⟩ her petticoat, and runs to the dung-hill as a ⟨ſoldier⟩ to his arms, when alarmed by the drum.

6. This is the character of two, which may be ⟨multiplied⟩ into million, two by two that fall into ⟨miſery⟩ by matrimory, and are deadly wounded by ⟨the⟩ plague of poverty, for want of a virtuous ⟨proceeding⟩ in themſelves.

7. Their great care is, once to be firmly married, ⟨and⟩ then all their cares are drowned in the ſleep of ⟨luſt⟩, and when they awake, the flame of calf love (illegible text) quite out, then they look up when their eyes are ⟨opened⟩, and ſeeing them ſhocked with worldly cares, ⟨almoſt⟩ naked, and next to nothing.

8. Now they muſt work or want, their belly wages ⟨war⟩ againſt them; their backs and beds muſt be ⟨cloathed⟩; their children also come upon them, thick, ⟨thick⟩ if not threefold.

9. Then ſays the huſband, What have I done? ⟨I⟩ work hard all the day to myſelf, and get no wages; ⟨my⟩ belly is never filled with bread, but O my heart ⟨is⟩ almoſt like to break with ſorrow!

10 O had I been ſtill the ſervant of another man, ⟨then⟩ had I got my daily bread and yearly wages, ⟨but⟩ now I have loſt good bread and great pleasure, ⟨and⟩ O but her beef be a weighty burden unto me:

11. Let never a man w(illegible text)le his wife at the kirk-door, nor picks up a painted image in the market; as I have done to my deadly danger.

12. Her fine buſks are turned into miſerable brats; ⟨inſtead⟩ of paintings on her face, a ſlough of dung, which is the ſign of a ſapleſs carcaſe, occaſioned by ⟨the⟩ ſcarcity of ſcones, and a ſcantineſs of pottage.

13 O miſerable madneſs, and wicked alteration, occaſioned thro' fond love, and forward kindneſs.

14. What can be worſe in a houſe, than a horned goodwife, and a hummil goodman, a ſinged cat, and burnt dog, having nothing elſe but diſpeace and a poet's portion, which is perfect poverty

15. Here the goodwife's tongue is a law, and the tongs the ſceptre of her ſupremacy, the children hunt their father as a cur doth a cow in a kail-yard. The wife whiſpers him a cuckold, and all the children may ſay amen, our mother's a whore

16. This is the ſweeteſt of all muſic in the ears of Old Nick, when the goodwife's paſſion breaks out like a flame againſt her huſband; and he with vicious blows, in hot rage, gives her a double downcome, which is commonly caled next to murder, if not ſo.

17. Now are the flames of fleſhly love quenched, and their charity towards each other become as cold as clay; their former love is ſmothered to death in the ſmoke of their wrath, and pride is beeome their torment and ruin.

ADVERTISEMENT,

Oyez! Oyez! Oyez!

BE it known to you all poor, proud; and ſpiteful people, that they may mourn till their ſorrow mends them; for Deacon Pride, the De'il's dominie, has fallen from the top of the high tower of vanity into the deep ditch of diſgrace And it is hoped by me and many others, that he ſhall never have confidence to let up his daft-like face among honeſt well thinking people any more in this country; otherwiſe we of the inclarian Sect will oppoſe his doctrine, and ſend him to Conveener Polite to be his director.

 

FINIS.