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A VITAL QUESTION.
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to say, 'I am going to send out for wine'; but as I was ashamed on his account, I used to say, 'No, it must not be.' But otherwise I should have been tempted; the mere thought that wine was bad for me would not have been enough. And then in three weeks or so I grew stronger; my craving for wine passed, and I got out of the habit of drinking. And I kept laying up money to pay him back, and in two months I paid him up. How glad he was that I returned him the money. The day after he brought me some muslin for a dress, and some other things that he bought with that money. He used to come to see me after that just as a doctor calls to take care of an invalid. And a month after I had paid off my debt, he was sitting in my room, and said, 'Now, Nástenka, I begin to like your looks.' And really, it's true, wine spoils the complexion, and its effects don't pass off suddenly; but by this time they had passed, and the complexion of my face had become more delicate, and my eyes were clearer; and then again as I had got out of my former habits, I began to speak modestly, for you know my thoughts after I gave up drinking became modest, though I used to get entangled in my speech, and sometimes I used to forget myself on account of my former carelessness; but by this time I had got accustomed to behaving myself and to speaking more modestly. And as soon as he said that I pleased him, I was so happy that I wanted to throw myself on his neck, but I did not dare, and I refrained. And he said, 'You see, Nástenka, I am not devoid of feelings.' And he declared that I had become a nice modest young girl, and he caressed me; and how did he caress me? He took my hand and laid it on his, and began to smooth it with his other hand; and he looked at my hand, and indeed at that time my hands were white and delicate. And so when he took my hand—you would not believe it—I blushed, after my life, Viéra Pavlovna, as though I had been an innocent baruishna. This is strange, but it is so. But with all my shame,—it is absurd to say, Viéra Pavlovna, with all my shame, it is true,—I still said, 'How is it that you are willing to caress me, Aleksandr Matvéitch?' And he said, 'It is because you are a virtuous girl now, Nástenka.' And the words, 'virtuous girl,' that he called me, affected me so much that I burst into tears. And then he said, 'What