Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 01.pdf/274

Their policies in print professed
How deeply they were smitten
With a fraternal interest
For all their underwritten;
They hounded Williams up and down
To take a trifling risk,
At every point about the town
He met their agent brisk:
"Some night would come a fire immense,
And uninsured he'd rue it,
And if he minded the expense
They would pay him to do it."
And so they gave assurance sound
Against all loss by fire
On goods of plaintiff they were bound
Till twelve months should expire.
But if he "stored" petroleum,
They cunningly provide
He'd forfeit all the premium
And lose his claim beside.
Now, when the Civil War broke out,
Like a good man and true,
Williams did not stay home and spout,
But donned the sacred blue.
He fought until a rebel wound
Subdued his zeal spontaneous,
And sent him from the battle-ground
With a disease cutaneous.
And when by scratching he was flayed,
By frequent imposition
Of crude petroleum he allayed
The heat of his condition.
A little of this stuff he'd keep,
But not enough to hurt,
And when at night he couldn't sleep
He'd saturate his shirt.
One night an accidental fire
His house and goods did spoil,
But unless Sickels is a liar,
It spared both shirt and oil.