WHIMSICALITIES OF IRISH WITNESSES. BY JOHN DE MORGAN. A WITNESS in our Courts seats himself comfortably, crosses his legs, makes himself at home and in some instances leans over and tries to chat confidentially with the Judge. In England the witness stands in a box, like an old-fashioned pulpit, the prisoner occupying a little larger box, while in Ireland the witness stands literally on a table in front, and beneath the Bench. He is denied the privilege of leaning on the front of the box, like his English brother, but has to stand, often feeling most uncomfortable, making an exhibition of himself for the amusement of the people in the Court. Sometimes the Court is indulgent and allows him to be seated, but that is so rare, at least in the days when I frequented Irish Courts, that when granted, the witness was sure to be looked upon with suspicion as being too friendly with the Court. The Irish witness, especially when belong ing to the peasant class, is often a trial to the counsel, for not only is he quick at re partee but his answers are often confusing by their quaintness and whimsicality. In the Bankruptcy Court I once heard a witness ""asked the amount of his gross in come. "Me gross income is it, sure an' I'd have ye know that I've no gross income, I'm a fisherman an' me income is all net," was the astonishing reply. These witnesses are often confused through the misunderstanding of words and phrases and as a consequence many a laugh cannot be suppressed, even by the most strict tip staff. "He called me out of me name," said a witness in a case of assault by a man on a woman. The Justice, trying to preserve the relevancy of the witness's testimony, said : "That's a civil action, my good woman."
The witness's eyes flashed fire as she looked up at the Justice. "Musha, thin, if ye call that a civil action, it's a bad bla'gard ye must be yerself." I once heard a clerk ask a witness to take the Bible in his right hand. The witness replied that he would not do so, and continued to hold out his left. Then the Court thun dered out : "Take the book in your right hand, sir." "Begorra if ye say so, I'll do it, but I'm not responsible for what I do." "What do you mean?" "Musha, it's left-handed I am, an" me right can't be depended on at all, at all." The witness evidently thought that his physical incapacity would affect the value of his testimony, if he used the right hand for holding the book. In a case of assault on a wife by her hus band, the counsel for the complainant, after she had been sworn, asked most insinuat ingly, and with a look at the Justice which was intended to create sympathy : "And now, Mrs. O'Sullivan, will you kindly tell the Court whether your husband was in the habit of striking you with impu nity?" The counsel looked again at the Justice while "With "With awaiting impunity what,the sor?" reply. !"
"Faix he did, sor, now and thin, but he sthruck me more often with his fisht." The counsel was compelled to smile, but he was equal to the occasion, for he imme diately asked : "And that hurt you more?" "Indade it did, sor," was the reply. When the great O'Connell roused the ire of a fishwife by calling her a " parallelo gram," the world laughed, but only a few
