THE LIGHTER SIDE East Boston I never see a copy without wondering why it is published. — Noah Smith, Real Estate and Cut Rate Tickets. Port Arthur A man was so absorbed reading the GREEN BAG that when a shell took his head off it didn't make any difference. Good, also, in nervous complaints. — Kuropatkin. Boston Subscribe to the GREEN BAG, and you at least know where your money has gone. — T. W. Lawson. The GREEN BAG and my " Winning of the West " are the best products of the century. No decent man neglects them. — T. Roose velt. A county attorney who is one of our read ers, sends us the following complaint for warded to him by a local justice of the peace. He thinks that the GREEN BAG is the only forum that has jurisdiction in such matters. "In the Name and by Authority of the State of Texas: Before the undersigned au thority personally appeared G. L. Barry, who, being duly sworn, states upon oath, that one Tom Pitts in the county of Montague and state of Texas, heretofore, on the ryth day of November A.D. 1904, did unlawfully take, steal, and carry away one Pointer dog, name ' Bill,' white with liver colored spots, had at time stolen, raw places on each of his back legs, on out side, has knot on one of his back legs just above ankle joint, and against the peace and dignity of the state. Geo. L. Barry, Affiant. Sworn to and subscribed before me, this igth day of November A.D., 1904. J. T. Stallings, Justice of the Peace, Precint No. 4 Montague County, Texas." Jury Duty. — The judge had his patience sorely tried by lawyers who wished to talk, and by men who tried to evade jury service. Between hypothetical questions and excuses
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it seemed as if they never would get to the actual trial of the case. So when the puzzled little German who had been accepted by both sides jumped up, the judge was exasperated. "Shudge! " cried the German. "What is it? " demanded the judge. "I tink I like to go home to my wife," said the German. "You can't," retorted the judge. " Sit down." "But, shudge," persisted the German, " I don't tink I make a good shuror." "You're the best in the box," said the judge. " Sit down." "What box? " said the German. "Jury box," said the judge. "Oh, I thought it vas a bad box that peoples gets in somedimes." "No," said the judge, " the bad box is the prisoners' box." "But, shudge," persisted the little German, "I don't speak good English." "You don't have to speak any at all," said the judge. " Sit down." The little German pointed at the lawyers to make his last desperate plea. "Shudge," he said, " I can't make noddings of what these fellars say." It was the judge's chance to get even for many annoyances. "Neither can anyone else," he said. " Sit down." With a sigh the little German sat down. Patience. — Edwin James was one of the most brilliant English lawyers of his day, but he was always in financial difficulties. At one time he lived in some West End cham bers, the landlord of which could never ob tain rent. At last he had recourse to an expedient which he hoped would arouse his tenant to a sense of his obligations. He asked him if he would be kind enough to advise him on a little legal matter in which he was con cerned, and on James acquiescing, drew up a statement specifying his own grievance against the learned counsel and asked him to state what he considered the best course for a landlord to take under such conditions. The paper was returned to the landlord the next morning with the following sentence sub joined.
