Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 25.pdf/482

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The Editor's Bag the clanking together of heels with pro longed salutes were difficult and arduous for Hooligan and on the third day he was brought up for trial before the Colonel on the following charge and specification : "Charge: Violation of the 62d Article of War, conduct to the prejudice of good order and military discipline. "Specification: In that he, when meeting his Captain, did waive his hand to him and did say 'Hello, there, Kiddo!'" "Is that lawyer for the woman, or against her," asked one bystander of another after they had been listening to his argument for an hour. "I don't know, I am sure," was the quick reply, "he hasn't committed him self yet." In the Criminal Court of Chicago, the other day, a young attorney that was battling for the life of his client ended his plea with the following burst of eloquence : "Gentlemen of the Jury, there is a nigger in the woodpile somewhere! I can see him floating through the air; and I know you will nip him in the bud." "Look at this document and tell the jury whether your signature appears thereon," directed the young attorney. The witness scrutinized the paper carefully and then hesitatingly said: "I don't know. I can't —" "Does it or does it not appear thereon? Yes or no — no explanations are neces sary," interrupted the court. "I object to the question," interrupted opposing attorney; and then followed a long argument between the two attor neys and the judge, after which the court ruled:


"I will let him answer. Does your signature appear thereon? Answer by yes or no." "I don't know, judge. I can't see. I haven't my other glasses with me, and I can't see with these." — Cornelius Johnson.

CURIOSITY H MONG the most amusing incidents I've ever seen in court," says a Cleveland lawyer, "was that which occurred recently in my town. "A big chap stood at the rail com pletely swathed in bandages. One might say that little of his face was visible, aside from one eye that peered through an opening in the bandages. "'You are charged with disorderly con duct,' said the Court. "'So I understand,' said the man at the rail, 'And I want to be held for trial.' "This was a decidedly unexpected announcement; and everyone in court was correspondingly astonished. '"I should think,' said the Court, after a moment's hesitation, 'that you would plead guilty now, and pay a fine of five dollars, ending the matter.' "'I thank your Honor,' said the man, 'but I want to be tried.' "'Why?' "'For this reason,' explained the mussed-up man. 'The last thing I re member was that I was standing very peaceably on a street corner. When I came to, two doctors were busily engaged in sewing me together. I want to be tried so that I can hear the stories of the witnesses. That's about the only way I'll ever find out what came off.'"

The Editor will be glad to receive for this department anything likely to entertain the readers of the Green Bag in the way of legal antiquities, facetiet, and anecdotes.