B.C. 46, ÆT. 60 not have thought that we ought to repent of our policy, even if those who did not adopt it were not now repentant. For our guiding star was not advantage, but duty: and what we abandoned was not duty, but a hopeless task. So we shewed greater sensitiveness to honour than those who never stirred from home, and greater reasonableness than those who did not return home when all was lost. But nothing irritates me so much as the severe criticism of the do-nothings, and I am more inclined to feel scrupulous about those who fell in the war, than to trouble myself about those who are angry with us for being alive. If I find a spare moment for coming to Tusculum before the 5th, I will see you there: if not, I will follow you to your Cuman villa, and give you notice beforehand, that the bath may be got ready.
CCCCLXII (F VII, 3)
TO M. MARIUS (AT POMPEII)
Rome (late in May)
Very often, as I reflect upon the miseries in which we have all
alike been living these many years past, and, as far as I can
see, are likely to be living, I am wont to recall that time when
we last met: nay, I remember the exact day. Having
arrived at my Pompeian villa on the evening of the 12th of
May, in the consulship of Lentulus and Marcellus,[1] you
came to see me in a state of anxiety. What was making you
uneasy was your reflexion both on my duty and my danger.
If I remained in Italy, you feared my being wanting to my
duty: if I set out to the camp, you were agitated by the
thought of my danger. At that time you certainly found me
so unnerved as to be unable to unravel the tangle and see
what was best to be done. Nevertheless, I preferred to be
ruled by honour and reputation, rather than to consider the
safety of my life. Of this decision I afterwards repented,
- ↑ B.C. 49. This apology for his conduct is somewhat like that addressed to Lentulus, vol. i., p. 310.
