B.C. 45, ÆT. 61
told, was very much alarmed at the book[1] being put in
circulation, and with reason—since it does not matter so
much in what spirit it is written, as in what spirit it is taken—for
fear lest a stupid thing like that should stand in my
light, and that too when I am still suffering for the sins of my
pen. In that matter my fate has been a strange one: for
whereas a slip of the pen is cured by erasure, and stupidity
is punished by loss of reputation, my mistake is corrected
by exile: though my greatest crime is having spoken ill of
the enemy when engaged in active service. There was no
one on our side, I presume, who did not pray for victory for
himself; no one who, even when offering sacrifice for something
else, did not breathe a wish for Cæsar's speedy defeat.
If he imagines that not to be the case, he is a very fortunate
man. If he does know it, and has no delusion on the
subject, why be angry with a man who has written something
against his views, when he has pardoned all those who
offered every sort of petition to the gods against his safety?
But to return to my subject, the cause of my fear was this. I have written about you, on my honour, sparingly and timidly, not merely checking myself, but almost beating a retreat. Now everyone knows that this style of writing ought not merely to be free, but even vehement and lofty. One is thought to have a free hand in attacking another, yet you must take care not to fall into mere violence: it is not open to one to praise oneself, lest the result should be the vice of egotism: there is no other course than to praise the man, on whom any blame that you may cast is necessarily set down to weakness or jealousy. And I rather think that you will like it all the better, and think it more suited to your present position. For what I could not do in good style, it was in my power first of all not to touch upon, and, as next best, to do so as sparingly as possible. But after all I did check myself: I softened many phrases, cut out many, and a very large number I did not write down at all. Then, as in a ladder, if you were to remove some rounds, cut out others, leave some loosely fastened, you would be contriving the means of a fall, not preparing a way of ascent, just so
- ↑ For Cæcina's book against Cæsar, see p. 123. Suetonius (Cæs. 75) calls it "most abusive" (criminosissimus).
