hard it is for me to see you in this position, how awful to me to think that it 's I . . . I! My heart is torn to pieces, I don't know myself, I have lost myself, and you, and everything . . . Everything is shattered, Tanya, everything! Could I dream that I ... I should bring such a blow upon you, my best friend, my guardian angel? . . . Could I dream that we should meet like this, should spend such a day as yesterday !. . .'
Tatyana was trying to get up and go away. He held her back by the border of her dress.
'No, listen to me a minute longer. You see I am on my knees before you, but I have not come to beg your forgiveness; you cannot, you ought not to forgive me. I have come to tell you that your friend is ruined, that he is falling into the pit, and would not drag you down with him. . . . But save me . . . no ! even you cannot save me. I should push you away, I am ruined, Tanya, I am ruined past all help.'
Tatyana looked at Litvinov.
'You are ruined?' she said, as though not fully understanding him. 'You are ruined?'
'Yes, Tanya, I am ruined. All the past, all that was precious, everything I have lived for up till now, is ruined for me; everything is wretched, everything is shattered, and I don't know what awaits me in the future. You said