262 POSTHUMOUS PAPERS OF
the matter public, just— just — for the young man's own sake, you know. I — I — should like to consult Mrs. Nupkins on the propriety of the step, in the first instance, though. At all events, Mr. Pickwick, we must despatch this legal business before we can do anything else. Pray step back into the next room."
Into the next room they went.
" Grummer," said the magistrate, in an awful voice.
«' Your wash-up," replied Grummer, with the smile of a favourite.
«' Come, come, Sir," said the magistrate, sternly, " don't let me see any of this levity here. It is very unbecoming, and I can assure you that you have very little to smile at. Was the account you gave me just now, strictly true ? Now be careful. Sir."
" Your wash-up," stammered Grummer, " I — "
- Oh, you are confused, are you ?" said the magistrate. " Mr. Jinks,
you observe this confusion ?"
" Certainly, Sir," replied Jinks.
" Now," said the magistrate, "just repeat your statement, Grummer, and again I warn you to be careful. Mr. Jinks, take his words down."
The unfortunate Grummer proceeded to re-state his complaint, but, what between Mr. Jinks's taking down his words, and the magistrate's taking them up ; his natural tendency to rambling, and his extreme confusion, he managed to get involved, in something under three minutes, in such a mass of entanglement and contradiction, that Mr. Nupkins at once declared he didn't believe him. So the lines were remitted, and Mr. Jinks found a couple of bail in no time. And all these solemn proceedings having been satisfactorily concluded, Mr. Grummer was ignominiously ordered out — an awful instance of the instability of human greatness, and the uncertain tenure of great men's favour.
Mrs. Nupkins was a majestic female in a blue gauze turban and a light brown wig. Miss Nupkins possessed all her mamma's haughtiness without the turban, and all her ill-nature without the wig ; and when- ever the exercise of these two amiable qualities involved mother and daughter in some unpleasant dilemma, as they not unfrequently did, they both concurred in laying the blame on the shoulders of Mr. Nup- kins. Accordingly, when Mr. Nupkins sought Mrs. Nupkins, and detailed the communication which had been made by Mr. Pickwick, Mrs. Nupkins suddenly recollected that she had always expected some- thing of the kind ; that she "had always said it would be so ; that her advice was never taken ; that she really did not know what Mr. Nupkins supposed she was; and so forth.
" The idea!" said Miss Nupkins, forcing a tear of very scanty proportions, into the corner of each eye, " the idea of my being made such a fool of!"
" Ah ! you may thank your papa, my dear," gaid Mrs. Nupkins ; " how I have implored and begged that man to inquire into the Cap- tain's family connections ; how I have urged and entreated him to take some decisive step ! I am quite certain nobody would believe it — quite."
