who live without knowing why; -they merely postpone this, but they cannot avoid it, because they will have to educate and to guide their children, having nothing to guide them by. And in such cases parents lose their human qualities and the happiness connected therewith, and become mere breeding stock. And so I say to those contemplating marriage, that just because their life seems to them so full, they should more than ever consider and make clear to themselves the purpose for which they are living. And in order to elucidate this, one should think, examine well the conditions in which one lives, and one's past, estimate all one deems important and unimportant in life, ascertain what one believes in (that is to say, what one regards as permanent indubitable truth), and what one is willing to be guided by in life. And not only to ascertain and elucidate this, but to experience it as matter of fact, and to realize it in one's life -for while one is not doing what one believes, one does not know whether one believes in it or not. I know your faith; and this faith or those aspects of it which are realizable in deeds, you should more than ever, just now, elucidate for yourself or put into action: the faith that welfare consists in loving men and being loved by them. For the attainment of this I know three activities, in which I continually exercise myself, which one cannot exercise too much, and which are at the present moment especially necessary to you. First, in order to be capable of loving and being loved, one should be accustomed to demand of men as little as possible, because, if I expect much I shall experience many privations and I shall tend not towards loving but towards rebuking them. In this respect there is much to be done.
Page:The Relations Tolstoy.pdf/48
