It seems to me that being in love is that steam pressure which would burst the engine if the safety valve did not act. The valve opens only under strong pressure; at other times it is closely, tightly closed; and our object should be to deliberately keep it closed as tightly as possible applying as many weights as we can, in the desire that it shall not open. It is in this sense I understand the words "He that is able to receive it, let him receive it" (Matt. xix. 12). That is to say, let everyone strive not to marry, but, having married, to lie with one's wife as brother and sister. The steam will accumulate, the valves will lift, but we should not open them ourselves as we do when we regard intercourse as a lawful pleasure. It is allowable only when we cannot withhold, and when it breaks through against our wish. "But how can a man define when he cannot withhold?" How many questions there are like this, and how insoluble they seem! And at the same time how simple they are when solved for oneself and by oneself, and not for others and by others. For others one knows only a certain gradation: an old man addicts himself to familiarity with a prostitute, dreadfully repulsive; a young man does the same, -less so. An old man sensually courts his wife -repulsive, but less so than a young man with a prostitute. A young man behaves sensually with his wife -yet less repulsive, though still unpleasant. Such a gradation exists in regard to others, and we all know it very well, especially uncorrupted children, and young people. But for oneself there is yet another consideration: every virginal man and woman has the consciousness (often very dimmed by false views) that purity should be prized, of the desire to preserve it, and of grief and shame at its loss under any circumstances. There is a voice of the conscience clearly saying, both after and always, that this is wrong, shameful. (It all rests on the consciousness the understanding.)
Page:The Relations Tolstoy.pdf/58
