Songs and Lyrics (Lehrer)/Speed's Song
SPEED'S SONG
written for Act 2, Scene 1, of an aborted musical version of Two Gentlemen of Verona at UCSC
words: Tom Lehrer
music: "Torna a Surriento" by Ernesto De Curtis
All day long you whine and whimper,
Sighing sighs and looking vague,
Fold your arms and look tormented
(And) hide as if you had the plague.
War-bl-ing pathetic love songs,
Tossing in your sleep at night,
Weeping [sob] --- just as if you'd lost your mother,
Fasting with no appetite.
Once you used to laugh at lovers
When they spoke of how it feels,
Weeping [sob] --- only when you needed money,
Fasting only between meals.
You may be my master,
But look how you behave!
Love is the master now,
You are the slave.
from The Two Gentlemen of Verona, Act 2, Scene 1
Valentine: Go to, sir. Tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?
Speed: She that your worship loves?
Valentine: Why, how know you that I am in love?
Speed: Marry, by these special marks: first, you have learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreathe your arms like a malcontent, to relish a love-song like a robin-redbreast, to walk alone like one that had the pestilence, to sigh like a schoolboy that had lost his A B C, to weep like a young wench that had buried her grandam, to fast like one that takes diet, to watch like one that fears robbing, to speak puling like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was for want of money And now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.