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The Spirit of the Nation/New Natural Philosophy

< The Spirit of the Nation

NEW NATURAL PHILOSOPHY.

I.

Buffon divides men into classes;
But this, his druggist-shop conception,
Is humbug—all alike are asses;
I make myself even no exception.
In fact, I'll prove myself an ass-
ertor of truth—the more's the pity;
And then make you, besides, an ass-
entor to my dis-ass-trous ditty.


II.

There's Brougham and Vaux (Lord!) what an ass-
ailant he is of poor Lord Melbourne!
While Melbourne is himself an ass-
ociate of glum-faced England's well born;
Then in the House he's quite an ass-
afœtida pill to Londonderry,
Who is, by jing, a humdrum ass-
everating twaddler, dull and dreary!


III.

O'Connell's a tremendous ass-
aulter of tyranny and Tories;
And we, The Nation, are his ass-
istants, and share—hurrah!—his glories.
Poor Lever's an acknowledged ass-
pirant for fame and foolscap laurels;
While Lover makes himself an ass-
iduous refreshner of state morals.


IV.

Trash Gregg's a genuine assish ass-
inine ass—only hear him braying!
Grim, Orange Ernest is an ass-
assin at heart, and thirsts for slaying!
F. W. Conway is an ass-
tonishing dab for quizzing quisses!
And Cregan R.H.A.'s an ass-

ured brush at catching gemmen's phizzes.

V.

In short, the world is one great ass-
emblage of hoaxed and hoaxing ninnies,
'Mong which even I myself am-ass
More bran than grist—more jokes than guineas;
Still I don't mind—nor care to ass-
uage my distresses like your sobbers?
Wrapped in my cloak, my grand cuir-ass,
I laugh at all—Rads., Whigs, and robbers.[1]


  1. "Robbers"—that is to say Tories. See the Gælic.