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When Captain Jones of Halifax,
Was put in winter quarters,
His landlady, a widow, had
The prettiest of daughters.

The Captain sued her lovingly,
The girl was gay and ready
To join her lot with his and be
The noble Captain's lady.

Their wedding was deferred; but soon.
Impatient for the pleasure,
He found his way into her room,
And swiv'd her at his leisure.

The chambermaid, who set to rights
The different pots and pans.
Warn'd mistress there was ne'er a drop
In that of this young man's.

The mother asked him tenderly,
"As you're to wed my daughter.
Pray tell me why - my dear young man,
Why - why - you make no water?"

"Ah, Madam!" cried he, "cannot you
The real reason guess?
The fact is that I go to bed,
So full of tenderness.

I get eager for the bliss,
I feel so stiff and hot,
That really I'm obliged to piss
Right up the Chimney Pot."