Page:Mr. Punch's history of the Great War, Graves, 1919.djvu/45

Trials on the Home Front

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The trials of mistresses on the home front are happily described in the reply of a child to a small visitor who inquired after her mother. "Thank you, poor mummie's a bit below herself this morning—what with the cook and the Kaiser."

Pompous Lady: "I shall descend at Knightsbridge."

Tommy (aside): "Takes 'erself for a bloomin' Zeppelin!"

We have to thank an ingenious correspondent for drawing up the following "credibility index" for the guidance of perplexed newspaper readers:

1. London, Paris, or Petrograd (officia5l) ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

   100

2. London,„ Paris,„ or Petrograd„ (semi-official) ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

   50

3. Berlin (official) ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

   25

4. It is believed in military circles here that— ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

   24

5. A correspondent that has just returned from the firing-line tells me that— ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

   18

6. Our correspondent at Rome announces that— ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

   11

7. Berlin (unofficial) ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

   10

8. I learn from a neutral merchant that— ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

   7

9. A story is current in Venice to the effect that— ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

   5

10. It is rumoured that— ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

    4

19