MY SECRET LIFE
Then she got on to the bed. The crisis was just over when we heard a knock. With a shriek she pushed me off and got up. “He will murder me, he will murder me,” said she. I stood blank with bewilderment, relieved by another knock and a voice crying “beer.” She fell on the floor fainting, and so alarmed me, that I nearly called in the neighbours. I put a pillow under her head. I don’t know what induced me, for not three minutes before I was frightened-out of my life, but as she laid there close by the fire (at the knock we had rushed into the kitchen), I pulled up her clothes. The flickering of the fire showed her thighs and cunt in a strange light to me. As I pulled her legs asunder, I felt ashamed, but lust was strong. I looked at the cunt, the novelty of an insensible woman on the floor excited me, the next instant in spite of her, for she recovered just as I laid on. her, my prick was up her, and my knuckles on the hard bit of dingy carpet, and as I grasped her burn, it seemed that my poke was most delicious. So much for novelty and imagination. I left immediately after- wards.
Then I went home to my mother. In about three weeks, went to see Henry, again as I said, but really to get to Mrs. Smith, and found her husband had been discharged. I went OH to the cottage, it was empty. They had gone no one knew where, and he had half murdered his wife. I wondered if it had been about me. ~Then my conscience upbraided me with having committed adultery. I took to going to church more regularly, and repeated the commandments emphatically.
I was now approaching nineteen years, was at home
—210—
