giue me so much of your time in enchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Fords wife: vse your Art of wooing; win her to consent to you: if any man may, you may as soone as any.
Fal.
Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection that I should win what you would enioy? Methinkes you prescribe to your selfe very preposterously.
Ford.
O, vnderstand my drift: she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honor, that the folly of my soule dares not present it selfe: shee is too bright to be look’d against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand; my desires had instance and argument to commend themselues, I could driue her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are tootoo strongly embattaild against me: what say you too’t, Sir Iohn?
Fal.
Master Broome, I will first make bold with your money: next, giue mee your hand: and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enioy Fords wife.
Ford.
O good Sir.
Fal.
I say you shall.
Ford.
Want no money (Sir Iohn) you shall want none.
Fal.
Want no Mistresse Ford (Master Broome) you shall want none: I shall be with her (I may tell you) by her owne appointment, euen as you came in to me, her assistant, or goe-betweene, parted from me: I say I shall be with her betweene ten and eleuen: for at that time the iealious-rascally-knaue her husband will be forth: come you to me at night, you shall know how I speed.
Ford.
I am blest in your acquaintance: do you know Ford Sir?
Fal.
Hang him (poore Cuckoldly knaue) I know him not: yet I wrong him to call him poore: They say the iealous wittolly-knaue hath masses of money, for the which his wife seemes to me well-fauourd: I will vse her as the key of the Cuckoldly-rogues Coffer, & ther’s my haruest-home.
Ford.
I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might auoid him, if you saw him.
Fal.
Hang him, mechanicall-salt-butter rogue; I wil stare him out of his wits: I will awe-him with my cudgell: it shall hang like a Meteor ore the Cuckolds horns: Master Broome, thou shalt know, I will predominate ouer the pezant, and thou shalt lye with his wife. Come to me soone at night: Ford's a knaue, and I will aggrauate his stile: thou (Master Broome) shalt know him for knaue, and Cuckold. Come to me soone at night.
Ford.
What a damn’d Epicurian-Rascall is this? my heart is ready to cracke with impatience: who saies this is improuident iealousie? my wife hath sent to him, the howre is fixt, the match is made: would any man haue thought this? see the hell of hauing a false woman: my bed shall be abus’d, my Coffers ransack’d, my reputation gnawne at, and I shall not onely receiue this villanous wrong, but stand vnder the adoption of abhominable termes, and by him that dœs mee this wrong: Termes, names: Amaimon sounds well: Lucifer, well: Barbason, well: yet they are Diuels additions, the names of fiends: But Cuckold, Wittoll, Cuckold? the Diuell himselfe hath not such a name. Page is an Asse, a secure Asse; hee will trust his wife, hee will not be iealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my Cheese, an Irish-man with my Aqua-vitae-bottle, or a Theefe to walke my ambling gelding, then my wife with her selfe. Then she plots, then shee ruminates, then shee deuises: and what they thinke in their hearts they may effect; they will breake their hearts but they will effect. Heauen bee prais’d for my iealousie: eleuen o’clocke the howre, I will preuent this, detect my wife, bee reueng’d on Falstaffe, and laugh at Page. I will about it, better three houres too soone, then a mynute too late: fie, fie, fie: Cuckold, Cuckold, Cuckold.Exit.
Scena Tertia.
Enter Caius, Rugby, Page, Shallow, Slender, Host. Caius. Iacke Rugby.
Rug.
Sir.
Caius. Vat is the clocke, Iack.
Rug.
’Tis past the howre (Sir) that Sir Hugh promis’d to meet.
Cai.
By gar, he has saue his soule, dat he is no-come: hee has pray his Pible well, dat he is no-come: by gar (Iack Rugby) he is dead already, if he be come.
Rug.
Hee is wise Sir: hee knew your worship would kill him if he came.
Cai.
By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him: take your Rapier, (Iacke) I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
Rug.
Alas sir, I cannot fence.
Cai.
Villaine, take your Rapier.
Rug.
Forbeare: heer’s company.
Host.
’Blesse thee, bully-Doctor.
Shal.
’Saue you Mr. Doctor Caius.
Page.
Now good Mr. Doctor.
Slen.
’Giue you good-morrow, sir.
Caius. Vat be all you one, two, tree, fowre, come for?
Host.
To see thee fight, to see thee foigne, to see thee trauerse, to see thee heere, to see thee there, to see thee passe thy puncto, thy stock, thy reuerse, thy distance, thy montant: Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francisco? ha Bully? what saies my Esculapius? my Galien? my heart of Elder? ha? is he dead bully-Stale? is he dead?
Cai.
By gar, he is de Coward-Iack-Priest of de vorld: he is not show his face.
Host.
Thou art a Castalion-king-Vrinall: Hector of Greece (my Boy).
Cai.
I pray you beare witnesse, that me haue stay, sixe or seuen, two tree howres for him, and hee is nocome.
Shal.
He is the wiser man (M[aster]. Doctor) he is a curer of soules, and you a curer of bodies: if you should fight, you goe against the haire of your professions: is it not true, Master Page?
Page. Master Shallow; you haue your selfe beene a great fighter, though now a man of peace.
Shal.
Body-kins M[aster] Page, though I now be old, and of the peace; if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though wee are Iustices, and Doctors, and Church-men (M[aster] Page) wee haue some salt of our youth in vs, we are the sons of women (M[aster] Page.)
Page.
’Tis true, Mr. Shallow.
Shal.
It wil be found so, (M[aster] Page: ) M[aster] Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home: I am sworn of the peace: you haue show’d your selfe a wise Physician, and Sir Hugh hath showne himselfe a wise and patient Churchman: you must goe with me, M[aster] Doctor
