"You shouldn't come to a lawyer with such a question as that, Eli," he said. "That's a railroad question. You should go to a railroad man with that. You should go to Depew." "But Depew is a lawyer, isn't he?" I said. "Well, y-e-s, Depew is a lawyer—he is a lawyer; but all the law Depew knows wouldn't bias his answering any question. A moment afterwards Evarts smiled dryly and said: "When you ask me whether you should lie on the right or left side to sleep well, perhaps I ought to say that in your case, Eli, you will lie anyway." When Depew asked Evarts what he thought eventually would become of all the thoroughly wicked and depraved, he said: "Well, Mr. Depew, they all probably will practise law a little while, then eventually go into politics and become Congressmen or Senators." Robert Ingersoll was a good lawyer, and powerful in cross-examinations. The great agnostic was such a devoted husband that infidelity on the part of a husband always in furiated him. He held that a man's love should be given sacredly to his wife first, last and all the time. In a divorce case in Peoria Mr. Ingersoll believed that the defendant had been untrue to his wife, and he opened upon him with a severe and scathing cross-examination. "You say, sir," he began, fastening his searching eyes on the witness, "that you have always been faithful to your marriage vows?" "Well—yes," hesitatingly. "But you have associated with other women? "I presume so." "Knocked around town with the boys to see them, I presume? "No, sir." "Oh! They came to see you—in your own house? You look like it. Now what women came to your house? No dallying— what woman—?" "Judge," appealed the witness, "must I answer these foolish questions?"
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"Yes, answer," said the Judge, sternly. Now, said Ingersoll, feeling that he had the man in his grasp, "what woman, other than your wife came to your house in your wife's absence?" "Well—ah—" "Answer! Don't prevaricate!" said Inger soll, pointing his finger right into the man's face. "Answer! Who was it?" "Judge," said the witness with an appeal ing look, "must I answer?" "Yes, go on, answer!" said the Judge "Out with it!" hissed Ingersoll. "Who was that woman?" "She w-was—" the witness answered. "Out with it!" cried Ingersoll. "No lying now, shame-faced man!" "She was," lisped the witness, with a quiet wink at the jury, "she was my mother-inlaw." Judge Brady, for many years a popular city Judge in New York, could tell hundreds of legal stories, especially about Irish wit nesses "One day," said the Judge, "O'Rafferty was up before me for assaulting Patrick Murphy. "'Mr. O'Rafferty/ I said, 'now, why did you strike Mr. Murphy?' "'Because, yer honor, Murphy would not give me a civil answer.' "'What was the civil question you asked him?' "'I asked him as polite as vez piase, yer honor, says I: Murphy, ain't your own brother the biggest thafe on Manhattan Island, excepting yourself and yer uncle who is absint in the penitentiary in Sing-Sing? "'And what rude answer did he give to such a civil question?' "'He said to me: Av course, O'Rafferty, prismt company exceptée!, so Í said: Mur phy, you're another, and thin, yer honor, I struck him wid me fist, I did!'" The most laughable and dignified anti climax perhaps ever made was made by Mr. Evarts when he was "swinging around the circle" with President Hayes. Mr. Evarts and a few friends drank the champagne and
