B.C. 45, ÆT. 61 in some indefinable way literature itself seems to shut me out from harbour and refuge, and as it were to reproach me for continuing a life in which there is nothing but extension of utter wretchedness. In these circumstances, do you wonder at my keeping away from the city, in which my own house has no pleasure to offer me, while the state of affairs, the men, the forum, and the senate-house are all utterly repulsive to me? Accordingly, what I seek from literature, on which I spend my whole time, is not a lasting cure but a brief oblivion of pain. But if you and I had done what on account of our daily fears it never occurred to us to do, we should have been always together, and neither would your weak health have annoyed me, nor my sorrow you. Let us aim at securing this as far as it may be possible: for what could suit both of us better? I will see you therefore at an early day.
DLXXXVII (A XII, 41)
TO ATTICUS (AT OR NEAR ROME)
Astura (11 May)
I have nothing to write about. However, I want to know
where you are: if you are out of town or about to be so,
when you intend to return. Please, therefore, let me know.
And, as you wish to be informed when I leave this place, I
write to tell you that I have arranged to stay at Lanuvium
on the 16th, thence next day at Tusculum or Rome. Which
of the two I am going to do you shall know on the day
itself. You know how misery is inclined to grumble. It is
not at all in regard to yourself, yet I feel a restless desire as
to the shrine. I don't say unless it is built, but unless I see
it being built—I venture to say this much, and you will
take it as you ever do words of mine—my vexation will
redound upon you, not that you deserve that it should do
so; but you will have to endure what I say, as you endure
and always have endured everything that affects me. Pray
