CCCCXVI (A XI, 6)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
Brundisium, 27 November
I perceive that you are anxious both for your own and for
our common fortunes, and above all for me and my sorrow,
which, so far from being lessened by the association of yours
with it, is thereby actually increased. Assuredly your sagacity
has led you to divine the exact consolation that gives
me the greatest relief. For you express approval of my
policy, and say that in the circumstances what I did was the
best thing I could do. You also add—-what is of smaller
importance in my eyes than your own opinion, and yet is
not unimportant-—that everybody else, everybody that is
that matters, approves the step I have taken. If I thought
that to be the case, it would lessen my pain. "Believe me,"
you say. I believe you of course, but I know how anxious
you are to soothe my pain. Of abandoning the war I have
not repented for a moment. So bloodthirsty were their sentiments,
so close their alliance with barbarous tribes, that a
scheme of proscription was formed-—not against individuals,
but whole classes—-and the conviction was universally entertained
by them that the property of you all was the
prize of his victory. I say "you" advisedly: for even as to
you personally there were never any but the harshest ideas.
Wherefore I shall never repent of my decision: what I do
repent of is my plan of procedure. I could have wished
that I had rather remained in some town until invited to
Italy[1]. I should have exposed myself to less remark and
have felt less pain; this particular regret would not have
been wringing my heart. To lie idle at Brundisium is
vexatious in every point of view. As to coming nearer the
city, as you advise, how can I do so without the lictors
- ↑ Apparently the expression of Cæsar's wish to Dolabella, which he afterwards quotes in his own justification, does not seem to him sufficiently formal. See p. 19.
