Page:The Strand Magazine (Volume 4).djvu/542

This page has been proofread, but needs to be validated.
THE QUEER SIDE OF THINGS.
545

him as Mr. Talent, and raved about him, saying: 'He is a great man'? And shall we now say he is not Mr. Talent, as we fancied, but Mr. Push? No, indeed!"

So, behold, they all went in a body to call upon him, and to assure him that his mother was mistaken about his name, and that he was Mr. Talent.

And they put it fairly to him, saying: "Can we all, being Influential and Competent Appreciators, have made a mistake?" And he saw the force of their argument; and he frankly admitted that they could not have made a mistake, and that he was Mr. Talent.

Then Mr. Push (for that in truth was his name) said to himself: "I can now dispense with the partnership of old Talent, for will not my work do as well as his, now that it will not do for the critics to have made a mistake? And why should mere Talent take part of the profits that rightly belong to Push?" And he straightway went and turned out poor old Talent from the business, taking away his jam and his new boots—nay, even his bread which he had brought into the firm; and Mr. Push went on producing work on his own account; and the critics, and those whose duty it is to write the puffs for the newspapers (which two classes are by some considered to be identical), cried out louder than ever about his greatness, and told how he parted his hair, and how much mustard he ate, and what sort of hats he wore. And Mr. Push made so much money that he was knighted for being rich; and then a very noble and generous thought occurred to him; and he said to himself: "If I shall be so magnanimous as to build an almshouse, and put old Talent into it, I shall be made a lord, because of my virtue and munificence."

So he builded the almshouse; and on the front of it he put a graven stone which nearly covered the front, and made it necessary to place the windows at the back; and on the stone was carven:—

"THE ALMSHOUSE
WAS ERECTED BY
SIR TALENT
FOR THE BENEFIT OF A POOR RELATION."

But when he tried to find old Talent he could not.

Now at this time that writer of puffs who had not been shaken by the hand by Mr. Push, put it about that Mr. Push, and those others whose duty it was to write the puffs in the newspapers, were to be prosecuted for conspiring to make away with poor old Talent; but when Mr. Push had gone about and shaken the hands of the public prosecutor, and of the judges, and of such as might haply be called on the jury, and had asked after the health of their relations; it was publicly denied that there was to be any such prosecution, and Sir Push was made Lord Push and Baron Brazenfront.

And the day after that they found poor old Talent by the roadside, dead of starvation.

And that is the story of the Identity of Mr. Push.

J. F. Sullivan.