The Kaleidoscope; or, Literary and Scientific Mirror/Series 2/Volume 4/Number 193/The Dog With Two Masters

by Friedrich August Schulze

For other English-language translations of this work, see Zwei Herren für einen Hund.

THE DOG WITH TWO MASTERS.

[Original Translation from the German of Frederic Laun.]

Chapter 1st, in which Mr. Jeremiah Schnackenberger is introduced.—The sun was just setting, and people of delicate health had already betaken themselves to their respective residences, when the discordant horns from the watch-tower announced the arrival of a new guest. The windows were immediately filled with young and old, with plain and pretty faces, and a smile hovered upon them all, when the object of the general solicitude came distinctly within sight.

On a small fleshless white horse sat a tall, stout, and well-fed young man, in a pea-green surtout, which seemed to have been much exposed to sun and rain; the weather-beaten head of the horseman, which contrasted singularly with the delicate colour of his coat, was adorned with a cocked hat of such enormous size, that one of its points projected between the ears of the Rosinante, whilst the other covered the animal’s very modest tail: a pair of boots, which would have been too long for the horse itself, hung in a sloping direction on both sides, and were thickly covered with particles of the soil which they had grazed, whilst an immense pipe, of great value, was dangling in front, and sent forth clouds of smoke, which would have warranted the supposition that he was a travelling steam-engine. The whip seemed to have been taken merely for fashion’s sake, for the horse walked so leisurely, that even the most lazy children had full time to get out of the way; and the animal appeared as conscious as the rider, that it would be altogether unreasonable to require greater speed, under existing circumstances.

The long sword, which rattled on the pavement, gave the salutary hint, that it might be as well for the spectators not to interfere with the pleasure of Jeremiah Schnackenberger; and this warning was rendered still more effectual by a Danish bull-dog, of nearly the horse’s size, which marched very deliberately in the rear, exhibiting, now and then, two rows of teeth, which commanded universal respect for the joint travellers.

The crowds in the windows were scrutinized by the rider in his turn, and this review absorbed him to such a degree, that he had actually suffered his pipe to go out: but he became no sooner aware of the fact, than he took out his tinder-box to rekindle it, when his horse took advantage of the opportunity to turn into a lateral-street, and to proceed, as by instinct, to the inn of the Golden Sow. The gold on the sign was rather tarnished, and the whole appearance of the premises was not very inviting; but Jeremiah would not contradict his poor beast; and, after having in vain called for the ostler, he first entered the house, and then proceeded into the open travellers’ room.

Chapter 2d.—Of the accommodations in the Golden Sow.—A strolling troop of players had lately given a representation of Don Juan; and Mrs. Barbara Liquorice, the landlady, very naturally took our hero for the old commander, when she awoke out of her afternoon’s rest, which a little extra glass had prolonged beyond its usual extent. She felt greatly alarmed at the visit, and inquired into its object; but as she became aware that she had to deal with mere creatures of flesh and bone, she feared neither dog nor master, and expostulated with the latter in her accustomed manner, about the impropriety of his entering on horseback into a dwelling-room.

Jeremiah stated, very calmly, the absence of the domestic, and appeased the angry fair one so effectually, that she asked pardon for her rashness, and conducted the horse to the stable. The traveller made himself comfortable, and was much amused with the portraits of half-a-dozen fat pigs, which hung against the wall, together with their pedigree, and a short description of their lives, in order to show the landlord’s skill in the noble art of rearing and fattening their species. The silence and dullness which prevailed throughout the house, indicated, however, that it had ceased to be the scene of activity; and the returning hostess put the matter beyond doubt. She related, without being much pressed, that she had been left a widow in the very prime of life, and with rather more property than she could conveniently manage herself, having to contend against an envious and enterprizing neighbour at the Fox, who contrived to get all her customers, by bribing the postillions and others to injure her fair fame. She made it pretty well understood, that she did not think it likely an inn could ever thrive without a master; whilst, on the other hand, her’s would afford a fine opportunity to a young man of spirit, to make his way in the world. A few years more, on the female side, appeared to her rather an advantage, since it offered additional security of steadiness and fidelity to the husband.

Mr. Schnackenberger listened with a great deal of good-nature to this exposition, interrupting it merely now and then with an “Indeed!” but more frequently addressing Jupiter (his dog) who was consuming the supper which had been brought in, and for which his master showed no particular relish. The lady drew rather a favourable augury from the latter circumstance; and, after having conducted her guest to a bed-room, she left him to ruminate on what had been said.

Chapter 3d.—An improper visit.—Our weary traveller had been fast asleep, when he was almost lifted out of his bed by Jupiter, who started from under it with a most tremendous howl, to receive a man with a whip in his hand, whom the hostess introduced by means of a master-key, because he pretended to come on very urgent business. Jeremiah held the candle to the intruder’s countenance, and recognised him as the proprietor of the horse, who suspected him to have left the University for good, and to have hired the animal with the intention of taking it home with him. He had traced him all the way; and he insisted on immediate payment and satisfaction. A well-filled purse was forthwith produced; and the sight of it convinced the horse-dealer, at once, of his error. He now begged to be excused, and desired his much-honoured patron to keep the quadruped as long as it might be his pleasure; but the money was laid before him in silence; and, as he still continued to proffer his services, a significant glance at Jupiter made both him and the hostess evacuate the room in an instant, and go down the stairs much more quickly than they had come up.

Chapter 4th.—A more serious disturbance.—All had long become quiet; but Jeremiah could not recover his sleep. Daylight began already to appear, when he thought he perceived something like smoke. He got up, opened the door, and found that he had not been mistaken: the staircase was in full blaze, and a violent fire raged below. He quickly filled his pipe, took his surtout on his arm, and looked out of the window to see what could be done that way. A leap upon the pavement appeared to be rather dangerous; but the chief sign of the house (a large sow of gilded stone) was placed over the entrance-gate at a little distance from the building, and he might hope to reach it. He succeeded to his wishes; and as soon as he was safely astride on the stone-representative, he began to bawl out lustily for help. It was some time before he could engage any one’s attention; because the house stood by itself, and there was none opposite: some early workmen took him for a drunkard, or for a madman, who was playing with his dog, to the annoyance of the neighbourhood. The cries of Jupiter were, indeed, quite as loud as his master’s, because he had not been able to follow, and his danger was greater: the flame had already penetrated into the room; and it was only then that the watchman saw what was the matter, and rang the fire-bell. Assistance was now speedily procured; but the engines were sooner at hand than the ladders, and the most efficacious way of preserving the man on the sow, seemed to be to drench him well with water, which was done accordingly. He bore this with great resignation; and when a ladder was finally produced, he entreated, for God’s sake, that it might be employed first in the preservation of his companion. The assistants thought themselves insulted by the request, and refused to comply with it; but when he offered a louis d’or to him who should do the deed, the competition became so great, that the dog would probably have perished, if he had not taken the resolution to escape by a courageous leap upon a water-cart, which happened to come within his reach.

Chapter 5th, which explains the object of the journey, and introduces a person of rank.—Jupiter was as unrivalled in the university as his namesake had formerly been at Olympus; and all the students envied his fortunate master, who had often refused the most brilliant offers, and whom even the greatest distress for money had never been able to tempt to the idea of parting with his dog; although he could not conceal from himself than the keep of the animal was infinitely more expensive than his own, which was itself none of the cheapest. Jupiter was in the constant practice of visiting all the kitchens to which he could get access, and to consider every thing as a fair prize that came within his reach: the fierceness of his aspect prevented the lawful proprietors from using violent means in keeping him off; they found it much more convenient to let him have the articles, which he had laid under sequestration, and to present his master with a bill of the damage, in which some slight indemnification for the alarm was either directly charged or tacitly laid on. An account of this description was one day given in by a tavern-keeper, whose whole stock of provisions had been attacked, and notably injured by the voracious brute. Mr. Schnackenberger happened, in his first emotion, to ask his friend Fabian Sebastian, whether he would still abide by the offer which he had lately made for the destroyer? the answer was affirmative; but as the purchase-money was of considerable amount, the buyer requested eight days to raise it. To this the seller consented; but, having received a remittance from home before the stipulated term was expired, he repented of the bargain, and laboured hard to annul the same; finding it, however, impossible to set any negociation on foot, he bestrode the first horse he could meet with, and set off for a celebrated bathing-place, with the intention to stop there as long as his money would last, and to enjoy the exclusive society of his dear Jupiter without interruption, until they should be finally separated.

The oddity of his situation, during the fire, produced, however, a circumstance which he could neither have foreseen nor expected. There was, among the various bathing-guests, a daughter of his own sovereign, whom the alarm had likewise brought to the spot, and who had no sooner understood that the sufferer was her countryman, than she interested herself with particular solicitude in his safety, congratulated him with her usual affability on his escape, and, finally, invited him to a ball which she intended to give in the evening. This operated a sudden and total revolution in the ideas of Jeremiah, and he accepted of the invitation, although attendance in ball-rooms was rather foreign from the character of his usual pursuits.

The fire had not spread very far, for there was a strong partition-wall between the part in which it had broken out, and the rest of the premises. Mrs. Liquorice had already prepared fresh quarters in an out-building, and she showed herself very anxious to make her lodger as comfortable as circumstances would admit. The side-glance which she had taken at his full purse, and his noble behaviour, during the night and in the morning, had inspired her with deep respect, and confirmed her in the favourable opinion which his manly person had made her conceive at first sight.

(To be continued.)