There was a young man of Berlin.
Whome disease had despoiled of his skin;
But he said with much pride.
"Though deprived of my hide,
I can still enjoy a put in."
There was a young woman of Cheadle,
Who once gave the clap to a beadle.
Said she, "Does it itch?"
"It does, you damned bitch,
And burns like hell-fire when I peedle."
There was an old Chinaman drunk,
Who went for a sail in his junk,
He was dreaming of Venus,
And tickling his penis,
Till he floated away in the spunk.
There was a young man of Rangoon,
Who farted and filled a balloon.
The balloon went so high,
That it stuck in the sky,
And stank out the Man in the Moon.
There was a young man at the Cape,
On a maiden committed a rape.
Said she, "You damned shit,
You can't fuck a bit,
And you're knocking my quim out of shape."
There was a young parson of Harwich,
Tried to grind his betrothed in a carriage.
She said "No, you young goose,
Just try self-abuse,
And the other we'll try after marriage."
There was a young man of St. Paul's,
Possessed the most useless of balls.
Till at last, at the Strand,
He managed a stand,
And tossed himself off in the stalls.
There was a young lady of Treadle,
Who sat down in Church on a needle.
The needle, not blunt.
Penetrated her cunt,
But was promptly removed by the beadle.
There was a young girl of Newcastle,
Whose charms were declared universal.
While one man in front
Wired into her cunt,
Another was engaged at her arsehole.
There was a young parson of Goring.
Who made a small hole in the flooring;
He lined it all round,
Then laid on the ground,
And declared it was cheaper than whoring.
When Mrs. Conwell was in this country, she showed me a copy she had made of a large picture of a Turkish soldier on horseback. She had made the horse's testicles very conspicuous, and then shamming ignorance, pointed at them, saying, "That is the rider's foot on the other side."
"Yes," said I, with a low bow, "very like a foot!" This made her giggle.