The Old Maiden edit
One morning, shortly after the disasters which we have described, Mr. Witherington descended to his breakfast-room somewhat earlier than usual, and found his green morocco easy-chair already tenanted by no less a personage than William the footman, who, with his feet on the fender, was so attentively reading the newspaper that he did not hear his master’s entrance. “By my ancestor, who fought on his stumps! but I hope you are quite comfortable, Mr. William; nay, I beg I may not disturb you, sir.”
William, although as impudent as most of his fraternity, was a little taken aback. “I beg your pardon, sir, but Mr. Jonathan had not time to look over the paper.”
“Nor is it required that he should, that I know of, sir.”
“Mr. Jonathan says, sir, that it is always right to look over the deaths, that news of that kind may not shock you.”
“Very considerate, indeed.”
“And there is a story there, sir, about a shipwreck.”
“A shipwreck! where, William? God bless me! where is it?”
“I am afraid it is the same ship you are so anxious about, sir,—the—I forget the name, sir.”
Mr. Witherington took the newspaper, and his eye soon caught the paragraph in which the rescue of the two negroes and child from the wreck of the Circassian was fully detailed.
“It is indeed!” exclaimed Mr. Witherington. “My poor Cecilia in an open boat! one of the boats was seen to go down,—perhaps she’s dead—merciful God! one boy saved. Mercy on me! where’s Jonathan?”
“Here, sir,” replied Jonathan, very solemnly, who had just brought in the eggs, and now stood erect as a mute behind his master’s chair, for it was a case of danger, if not of death.
“I must go to Portsmouth immediately after breakfast—shan’t eat though—appetite all gone.”
“People seldom do, sir, on these melancholy occasions,” replied Jonathan. “Will you take your own carriage, sir, or a mourning coach?”
“A mourning coach at fourteen miles an hour, with two pair of horses! Jonathan, you’re crazy.”
“Will you please to have black silk hatbands and gloves for the coachman and servants who attend you, sir?”
“Confound your shop! no; this is a resurrection, not a death; it appears that the negro thinks only one of the boats went down.”
“Mors omnia vincit,” quoth Jonathan, casting up his eyes.
“Never you mind that; mind your own business. That’s the postman’s knock—see if there are any letters.”
There were several; and amongst the others there was one from Captain Maxwell, of the Eurydice, detailing the circumstances already known, and informing Mr. Witherington that he had despatched the two negroes and the child to his address by that day’s coach, and that one of the officers, who was going to town by the same conveyance, would see them safe to his house.
Captain Maxwell was an old acquaintance of Mr. Witherington—had dined at his house in company with the Templemores, and therefore had extracted quite enough information from the negroes to know where to direct them.
“By the blood of my ancestors! they’ll be here to night,” cried Mr. Witherington; “and I have saved my journey. What is to be done? better tell Mary to get rooms ready: d’ye hear, William? beds for one little boy and two niggers.”
“Yes, sir,” replied William; “but where are the black people to be put?”
“Put! I don’t care; one may sleep with cook, the other with Mary.”
“Very well, sir, I’ll tell them,” replied William, hastening away, delighted at the row which he anticipated in the kitchen.
“If you please, sir,” observed Jonathan, “one of the negroes is, I believe, a man.”
“Well, what then?”
“Only, sir, the maids may object to sleep with him.”
“By all the plagues of the Witheringtons! this is true; well, you may take him, Jonathan—you like that colour.”
“Not in the dark, sir,” replied Jonathan with a bow.
“Well, then, let them sleep together: so that affair is settled.”
“Are they man and wife, sir?” said the butler.
“The devil take them both! how should I know? Let me have my breakfast, and we’ll talk over the matter by-and-by.”
Mr. Witherington applied to his eggs, and muffin, eating his breakfast as fast as he could, without knowing why; but the reason was that he was puzzled and perplexed with the anticipated arrival, and longed to think quietly over the dilemma, for it was a dilemma to an old bachelor. As soon as he had swallowed his second cup of tea he put himself into his easy-chair, in an easy attitude, and was very soon soliloquising as follows:—
“By the blood of the Witheringtons! what am I, an old bachelor, to do with a baby, and a wet-nurse as black as the ace of spades, and another black fellow in the bargain. Send him back again? yes, that’s best: but the child—woke every morning at five o’clock with its squalling—obliged to kiss it three times a-day—pleasant!—and then that nigger of a nurse—thick lips—kissing child all day, and then holding it out to me—ignorant as a cow—if child has the stomach-ache she’ll cram a pepper-pod down its throat—West India fashion—children never without the stomach-ache!—my poor, poor cousin!—what has become of her and the other child, too?—wish they may pick her up, poor dear! and then she will come and take care of her own children—don’t know what to do—great mind to send for sister Moggy—but she’s so fussy—won’t be in a hurry. Think again.”
Here Mr. Witherington was interrupted by two taps at the door.
“Come in,” said he; and the cook, with her face as red as if she had been dressing a dinner for eighteen, made her appearance without the usual clean apron.
“If you please, sir,” said she, curtseying, “I will thank you to suit yourself with another cook.”
“Oh, very well,” replied Mr. Witherington, angry at the interruption.
“And if you please, sir, I should like to go this very day—indeed, sir, I shall not stay.”
“Go to the devil! if you please,” replied Mr. Witherington, angrily; “but first go out and shut the door after you.”
The cook retired, and Mr. Witherington was again alone.
“Confound the old woman—what a huff she is in! won’t cook for black people, I suppose—yes, that’s it.”
Here Mr. Witherington was again interrupted by a second double tap at the door.
“Oh! thought better of it, I suppose. Come in.”
It was not the cook, but Mary, the housemaid, that entered.
“If you please, sir,” said she, whimpering, “I should wish to leave my situation.”
“A conspiracy, by heavens! Well, you may go.”
“To-night, sir, if you please,” answered the woman.
“This moment, for all I care!” exclaimed Mr. Witherington in his wrath.
The housemaid retired; and Mr. Witherington took some time to compose himself.
“Servants all going to the devil in this country,” said he at last; “proud fools—won’t clean rooms after black people, I suppose—yes, that’s it, confound them all, black and white! here’s my whole establishment upset by the arrival of a baby. Well, it is very uncomfortable—what shall I do?—send for sister Moggy?—no, I’ll send for Jonathan.”
Mr. Witherington rang the bell, and Jonathan made his appearance.
“What is all this, Jonathan?” said he; “cook angry—Mary crying—both going away—what’s it all about?”
“Why, sir, they were told by William that it was your positive order that the two black people were to sleep with them; and I believe he told Mary that the man was to sleep with her.”
“Confound that fellow! he’s always at mischief; you know, Jonathan, I never meant that.”
“I thought not, sir, as it is quite contrary to custom,” replied Jonathan.
“Well, then, tell them so, and let’s hear no more about it.”
Mr. Witherington then entered into a consultation with his butler, and acceded to the arrangements proposed by him. The parties arrived in due time, and were properly accommodated. Master Edward was not troubled with the stomach-ache, neither did he wake Mr. Witherington at five o’clock in the morning; and, after all, it was not very uncomfortable. But, although things were not quite so uncomfortable as Mr. Witherington had anticipated, still they were not comfortable; and Mr. Witherington was so annoyed by continual skirmishes with his servants, complaints from Judy, in bad English, of the cook, who, it must be owned, had taken a prejudice against her and Coco, occasional illness of the child, et cetera, that he found his house no longer quiet and peaceable. Three months had now nearly passed, and no tidings of the boats had been received; and Captain Maxwell, who came up to see Mr. Witherington, gave it as his decided opinion that they must have foundered in the gale. As, therefore, there appeared to be no chance of Mrs. Templemore coming to take care of her child, Mr. Witherington at last resolved to write to Bath, where his sister resided, and acquaint her with the whole story, requesting her to come and superintend his domestic concerns. A few days afterwards he received the following reply:—
“Bath, August.
“My dear Brother Antony,
“Your letter arrived safe to hand on Wednesday last, and I must say that I was not a little surprised at its contents; indeed, I thought so much about it that I revoked at Lady Betty Blabkin’s whist-party, and lost four shillings and sixpence. You say that you have a child at your house belonging to your cousin, who married in so indecorous a manner. I hope what you say is true; but, at the same time, I know what bachelors are guilty of; although, as Lady Betty says, it is better never to talk or even to hint about these improper things. I cannot imagine why men should consider themselves, in an unmarried state, as absolved from that purity which maidens are so careful to preserve; and so says Lady Betty, with whom I had a little conversation on the subject. As, however, the thing is done, she agrees with me that it is better to hush it up as well as we can.
“I presume that you do not intend to make the child your heir, which I should consider as highly improper; and, indeed, Lady Betty tells me that the legacy-duty is ten per cent, and that it cannot be avoided. However, I make it a rule never to talk about these sort of things. As for your request that I will come up and superintend your establishment, I have advised with Lady Betty on the subject, and she agrees with me that, for the honour of the family, it is better that I should come, as it will save appearances. You are in a peck of troubles, as most men are who are free-livers and are led astray by artful and alluring females. However, as Lady Betty says, ‘the least said, the soonest mended.’
“I will, therefore, make the necessary arrangements for letting my house, and hope to join you in about ten days; sooner, I cannot, as I find that my engagements extend to that period. Many questions have already been put to me on this unpleasant subject; but I always give but one answer, which is, that bachelors will be bachelors; and that, at all events, it is not so bad as if you were a married man: for I make it a rule never to talk about, or even to hint about, these sort of things, for, as Lady Betty says, ‘Men will get into scrapes, and the sooner things are hushed up the better.’ So no more at present from your affectionate sister,
“Margaret Witherington.
“PS. Lady Betty and I both agree that you are very right in hiring two black people to bring the child into your house, as it makes the thing look foreign to the neighbours, and we can keep our own secrets.
“MW.”
“Now, by all the sins of the Witheringtons, if this is not enough to drive a man out of his senses!—Confound the suspicious old maid! I’ll not let her come into this house. Confound Lady Betty, and all scandal-loving old tabbies like her! Bless me!” continued Mr. Witherington, throwing the letter on the table with a deep sigh, “this is anything but comfortable.”
But if Mr. Witherington found it anything but comfortable at the commencement, he found it unbearable in the sequel.
His sister Moggy arrived, and installed herself in the house with all the pomp and protecting air of one who was the saviour of her brother’s reputation and character. When the child was first brought down to her, instead of perceiving at once its likeness to Mr. Templemore, which was very strong, she looked at it and at her brother’s face with her only eye, and shaking her finger, exclaimed,—
“Oh, Antony! Antony! and did you expect to deceive me?—the nose—the mouth exact—Antony, for shame! fie, for shame!”
But we must hurry over the misery that Mr. Witherington’s kindness and benevolence brought upon him. Not a day passed—scarcely an hour, without his ears being galled with his sister’s insinuations. Judy and Coco were sent back to America; the servants, who had remained so long in his service, gave warning one by one, and afterwards, were changed as often almost as there was a change in the moon. She ruled the house and her brother despotically; and all poor Mr. Witherington’s comfort was gone until the time arrived when Master Edward was to be sent to school. Mr. Witherington then plucked up courage, and after a few stormy months drove his sister back to Bath, and once more found himself comfortable.
Edward came home during the holidays, and was a great favourite; but the idea had become current that he was the son of the old gentleman, and the remarks made were so unpleasant and grating to him, that he was not sorry, much as he was attached to the boy, when he declared his intention to choose the profession of a sailor.
Captain Maxwell introduced him into the service; and afterwards, when, in consequence of ill health and exhaustion, he was himself obliged to leave it for a time, he procured for his protégé other ships. We must, therefore, allow some years to pass away, during which time Edward Templemore pursues his career, Mr. Witherington grows older and more particular, and his sister Moggy amuses herself with Lady Betty’s remarks and her darling game of whist.
During all this period no tidings of the boats, or of Mrs. Templemore and her infant, had been heard; it was therefore naturally conjectured that they had all perished, and they were remembered but as things that had been.