The Prince Who Learned Everything Out of Books/Act 1, Scene 2
Prince. Where are we? You said that we should be in a village within an hour. And now you see… We are lost.
Tutor. Lost! Lost, indeed! I must consult the topographical map of the kingdom—the latest published by the Royal Geographical Society.
Tony. I told you that we were not taking the right road.
Tutor. But was I to trust myself to you rather than to the Royal Geographical Society?
Tony. You would have done better if you had trusted yourself to me, for I have been over that road more than a hundred times, night and day.
Tutor. Without knowing where you were going.
Tony. But I got there. And now who knows where we are?
Tutor. We have our choice here of two roads.
Tony. Say rather of one, for this is not a road, nor a trail, nor can it lead anywhere. It is a tangle full of briers and rocks. This is the road we ought to take. It is so clean and well kept that it must lead to some large city.
Prince. You are a fool. That is so as to tempt us to take it. Don't you know that in all the stories the good roads are the treacherous ones, which lead to the castle of some terrible ogre, who does not hesitate to swallow the poor travellers the moment they arrive? On the other hand, the thorny paths lead to gardens and palaces of good fairies and good kings where beautiful princesses dwell, who languish for noble princes who appear to fall in love.
Tony. It may be as you say; but, to my mind, things are as their beginning, and I never saw a thing end well that began badly, and it is easy enough for it to end badly when it has begun well. But when in doubt pluck a hair from the wolf, and as the face is, so is the man. Believe me, we ought to choose this road. Don't you hear music and birds singing, and nothing on this side—only the whistling wind, and birds of evil cry?
Prince. Ah, how can you be so ignorant! This, this is the right road. This is the way the path of virtue always looks—I have seen it in the pictures—and this is the broad and easy path of vice. Don't you think so. Master?
Tutor. I do not think anything, now that I have been deceived by the Royal Geographical Society. I must consult my books.
Tony. Here comes a beautiful lady who will be able to tell us the road.
The Beauty enters.
Beauty. Good morning, gentlemen.
Tony. Beautiful lady, can you tell us where we are and whither these two roads lead?
Beauty. I can tell you this—that this is not a road, and it does not lead anywhere.
Tony. Didn't I tell you?
Prince. Wait!—don't you trust her.
Beauty. Are you strangers here? If you wish to rest and take some refreshment, I can offer it to you at my house—which is to say at my husband's house—but a short distance away. All these lands which you see are his, and all the countryside about. He will consider himself greatly honored to receive and to entertain such distinguished guests.
Tony. We shall be charmed ourselves.
Prince. No. This husband whom she speaks of, and these fields and this house—they belong to some terrible ogre!
Tony. It doesn't seem to me that this lady has anything of the ogre about her. She is very courteous and polite.
Prince. Like all ogresses.
Beauty. Well, are you coming with me?
Tony. Let us set out at once. Our provisions are getting low, and I have a horrible appetite after so much walking.
Prince. No, I am not going. I shall take this other road.
Beauty. Are you mad? Should night overtake you, you will be attacked by wolves or by robbers; you will find only a miserable hovel in which a mad old woman lives…
Prince. What did I tell you? Some good fairy who presents herself in the guise of an old woman, like all good fairies. This, this is my road!
Tony. Don't be foolish, sir! Master, exert your authority.
Tutor. Let me alone; I wish to read. It is not possible that these maps could be wrong. Until I know precisely where we are, I shall not stir from this spot.
Beauty. But are you crazy? This place is infested with poachers and wood-choppers, and until you reach my husband's house you are not safe.
Prince. Oh, false woman! How easy it is to see through your designs!
Beauty. What does he say?
Tony. Nobody minds what he says. But, Master, don't you see? The Prince is determined to venture alone down these by-ways.
Tutor. You ought not to let him go.
Tony. Oho! And you?
Tutor. I distrust everything. One road appears to me quite as bad as the other. I shall await you here, studying. Whichever of you arrives first at some habitation may send me back word how he got there.
Tony. But you are here to keep us out of trouble.
Tutor. This road appears to me very bad, and this woman inspires me with no confidence whatsoever. Her invitations, her insistence upon taking us to her house, when she does not know us…
Tony. Hm! We are in a nice fix! One with his maps and his books of science, the other with his fairy-tales—and I, dead with hunger!
Beauty. Come! It will soon be dark, and I must return home. My husband, you know, is the largest landholder in the vicinity for twenty leagues about—he is the richest, the most powerful, although you see me very simply dressed…
Prince. Ah! There is the good old woman, the kind and beneficent fairy! There can be no doubt of it; it must be she. I shall rim to meet her. Don't follow me… I am going alone.
The Prince rushes out.
Tony. Ah… and he is gone! Gross negligence upon your part!
Tutor. Upon yours.
Tony. What account of the Prince shall we give now to their Majesties?
Tutor. What account shall you give? I was merely intrusted with his education.
Tony. Do you consider it education to allow him to do whatever he pleases?
Tutor. He will desist when the way grows long and hard.
Tony. Yes, but if the wolves eat him up first, or the bandits kill him?…
Beauty. It was foolish of you to let him go.—Young man! Young man!
Tony. Yes, you might send one of your husband's greyhounds after him; I don't feel like running at the moment myself. Lead me to your house, for I am dying of hunger and thirst.
Beauty. Don't worry.
Tony. I have made up my mind to eat, even though your husband should be an ogre and you an ogress.
Beauty. What nonsense are you talking now?
Tony. None, none whatever. Only hunger is turning my head. [Aside] If they mean to eat me, they will be sure to feed me first, so that I may get fatter. Do you intend to stay here?
Tutor. Yes, I shall remain until I hear from you. I shall follow the one who finds the more commodious shelter.
Tony. But aren't you starved?
Tutor. Spiritual food will suffice me.
Tony. A pleasant dinner!… Come along.
Beauty. Follow me.
Tutor. The Royal Geographical Society cannot possibly make a mistake.