There is Nothing New Under the Sun
The excitement in the city of Esnesnon caused by Flin Flon's strange arrival promised to be something more than a nine days' wonder, and public opinion was very much divided as to who he was, and where he had come from. In fact two "parties" were quickly formed --- the one led by the celebrated Doctor Yrekcauq and the other by the great spiritualist and magician, Ytidrusba. It may be as well to mention here that the word "magician" was not used in the city of Esnesnon in the same sense as it is used by upper world people. It was in point of fact a title of great honour, and indicated learning and attainments of a very high order. Mr Ytidrusba was, as has been shown, well acquainted with the science of mesmerism, and he was also a "professor of spiritualism." This was a degree peculiar also to the central world. For although there are spiritualists in the upper world, they are simply practisers, and not professors. And after the power displayed by the learned Ytidrusba, I am afraid it will have to be admitted that the spiritualists of the upper world are very shallow impostors indeed. One thing was very remarkable. Mr Ytidrusba did not resort to the childish nonsense of making the chairs and tables dance, and knocking flower-pots about in order to convince his world that spirits did exist. But he professed to have an intimate knowledge of the occult sciences, and he preached a doctrine that certain of the dead of Esnesnon took their departure to the outer regions of the globe; that there they assumed another form, and went through a probationary term previous to voyaging to a new world. Of course such a doctrine as this will sound very ridiculous to civilised ears. But it is a trifle more rational than that preached by the canting hypocrites of this favoured region, who impiously assert that they are enabled to hold communion with the disembodied spirits of another sphere. I am bound to confess my inability to account for the very remarkable knowledge possessed by Ytidrusba, nor would I for a single moment believe that Mr Flonatin was guilty of anything like "bunkum" in making the statements that he has done. His upright conduct and noble disposition must for ever place him above the breath of slander or calumny. He was the very embodiment of truth, and the good man's bones would surely rattle in his grave if any reader should for a single moment doubt the truth of anything he has written. Anyway I feel it is but justice to his memory to say that if any trifling inaccuracies or exaggerations have inadvertently crept into this history, they must be laid to my charge as the historian. Though I have no fear but what will bear favourable comparison with the generality of histories. In fact, I venture to think there are fewer misstatements than might have been expected in a work of such magnitude, and dealing as it does with a new world and a new race of people. But as I fear I shall be accused of egotism, I will say nothing more about the merits of the work, for I hold that if there is anything that is objectionable it is surely the blowing of one's own trumpet. In fact, since the noble and high-souled race of critics came into being, there is no longer any necessity for one to praise oneself, as these gentle creatures do it for you, and in such a delicate and polite manner as to leave nothing to be desired. These gentlemen critics are above suspicion, and as for the ladies, why, they are simply perfect. Any work possessing a scintilla of ability is sure to receive the most gracious consideration at the hands of these good people. In fact, they delight in giving praise, and their lives are one long round of enjoyment and pleasure, as must ever be the case with those who live, not for themselves, but for the benefit of others less favoured than themselves. But spotless and chaste as is the race of critics, they do not escape the breath of calumny. Unprincipled and shameless persons have at times hinted at bribery and corruption in connection with criticism. They have even gone so far as to say that critics are jealous, cross- gained, envious, splenetic, captious, spiteful, snarling, stony- hearted, shallow-brained, one-sided, mercenary, champagne- drinking, supper-eating, favour-hunting, office-seeking, falsehood-telling people. But it is a remarkable fact that these libellers have invariably come to some bad end, or met with violent deaths, which speak plainly of that providence which protects the good and punishes the guilty.
But to once more take up the thread and return to that city of moral gloom, Esnesnon. There the State was torn with the feuds of contending parties. And the peace and goodwill so conspicuous in the upper regions were not enjoyed there. There were contentions, bickerings, backbitings, jealousy, hatred, malice, uncharitableness; and, in short, so much evil that it would almost justify the belief indulged in by the pious people of the upper world that the centre world was verily the infernal regions.
The Press of Esnesnon was also very corrupt. The Gazette was the State organ, and its toadyism was fulsome. All official notices appeared in it, and it was practically the voice of the King and the Government, of which more will be said by-and- by. The opposition paper was the Anti-Humbug News. This was, in fact, the people's journal, and professed to be the only vehicle of public opinion. It prided itself upon its incorruptibility, and "gassed" a good deal about its "pure tone and outspoken honesty." There is reason to believe, however, that this was only "bosh," and that it really existed by trading on the credulity of an ignorant people, and by misdirecting public opinion. As to whether the latter charge is correct, my readers will be able to draw their own inferences from the following extract, which has reference to Flin Flon's arrival. It will be remembered that the Gazette was the only paper which was allowed to have a representative at Court, and consequently the only journal able to supply its readers with accurate Court information. There can be little doubt that the News smarted from this exclusiveness, and was exceedingly bitter against its rival. But the relative value of the opinion of the respective papers will be best judged when the following is contrasted with the notice taken from the Gazette. This is what the Anti-Humbug News said: ---
"A few days ago we briefly announced the arrival in this city of a strange being, supposed to have come from some savage region, as yet undiscovered by our geographers. We refrain from giving any detailed account of the creature until we had been able to learn something more about him by a personal interview. With this object we immediately despatched one of the oldest members of our staff to interview the stranger. But we regret to announce that our representative was resolutely and insolently refused admission into the palace. We were not altogether unprepared for this, knowing as we do the amount of cliqueism and favouritism which unfortunately prevail at his Majesty's Court. Our policy has always been to speak out boldly, without fear and without favour; as our readers are aware, this has brought us into bad odour in certain quarters. But in the interests of this great people, and the country generally, we do not hesitate now to inform the King that it is his duty as monarch of a mighty realm to study the interests of his subjects, and to recognise no party. Unhappily --- and we say this with all due respect --- his Majesty allows a few interested office-seekers to stand between him and his people. For a long time the government of the country has virtually been in the hands of Mr. Ytidrusba and Doctor Yrekcauq, and as it is notorious that a bitter feud exists between these two learned beings, we fearlessly assert that they should no longer be allowed to make the Court and the Senate the arena for their personal quarrels. That both gentlemen are endowed with extraordinary ability must be freely admitted, but their high attainments are sullied by a smallness of spirit that would discredit barbarians. The arrival of the strange being is the signal for a renewal of the jealousy which has so long been a disgrace to his Majesty's palace, and both Mr Ytidrusba and Doctor Yrekcauq forget what they owe to the public in their desire to air their own opinions. We would, however, respectfully inform these gentlemen that we, as the organ of public opinion, object to have mud thrown in our eyes. We claim to have a voice in all matters affecting the public weal, and anything like chicanery or humbug we shall oppose with all the energy at our command. We believe that the public are being humbugged with reference to this stranger, whose chief claim to singularity seems to be the absence of a caudal appendage. We understand that there was a meeting yesterday at the Palace of all the learned men and savants of our city, but that they arrived at no definite conclusion, though both Mr Ytidrusba and Doctor Yrekcauq had their pet theories well paraded, as is usually the case when anything strange occurs. Without entering into the merits of the disputes of these scientists we feel called upon to denounce the statement that the stranger has come from the exterior of the earth, as one totally unworthy of a great mind, and equally unworthy of a moment's consideration by intelligent people. Our philosophers and scientific men have proved beyond a doubt that the exterior of this earth is perfectly smooth, and shrouded in eternal night. The idea, therefore, of anything having life being able to dwell upon a smooth ball, and in total darkness, is so ludicrously absurd that it is an insult to ask a person, even of the most ordinary intelligence, to believe it. But science has proved even more than this. It has established the fact that the exterior of the earth is surrounded with gases of such a deadly nature that nothing --- neither animal nor vegetable life --- could possibly exist there for a moment. It is, in short, a region of gloom, silence and death. To say, therefore, that a person similar in being to ourselves could possibly have made his way from there to here is a monstrously-absurd falsehood. This may be strong language, but the time has come when only plain speaking can avail. We have so long groaned under the despotism of cliques, who, from self-interested motives, have not hesitated to cram ridiculous notions down the public throat, that we are determined now to combat this. We feel it to be a duty, and we shall not flinch from doing that duty. Do not let our meaning be misunderstood. We write in the broad spirit of brotherly love and charity. But DUTY is our watchword. In the meantime, we caution the public not to be gulled by the nonsensical idea that this tailless wretch has come to us from the mysterious and unknown regions of solitude and darkness which surround our world. The commonest of logic will disprove this. He was found floating in his strange vessel on the Green River. Now the source of that river has never been discovered, notwithstanding the many attempts that have been made to trace it. It will be remembered that many years ago a powerful electrical vessel was fitted out to ascend the river, and after travelling for a considerable distance she came to the mouth of a huge tunnel, from which the water poured in such force as to render it impossible for the vessel to proceed further. There is no doubt that the new arrival came down this tunnel, and it is equally certain that, dwelling in another part of our world, and connected by the Green River, is an extraordinary race, of which this person is a representative. He had probably been boating when by some mischance he was carried away by the currents, and so found himself, much to his astonishment, amongst civilised people. But to suppose that he could have dropped down from regions that are, for aught we know, thousands of miles above us, is at once childish and ridiculous. If what we have stated is not true, then all we can say is that a cruel hoax is being perpetrated, for reasons that we confess we are unable to define. We shall jealously watch the movements of the Government with reference to the matter and shall not hesitate to expose anything like humbug."
Thus did the Anti-Humbug News pour out its vials of wrath, begotten by disappointment. As Flin Flon read the article he could scarcely refrain from smiling.
"Alas!" he mused, "there is little difference between those races with tails and those without. And if we could only get the monkeys to tell us what they thought of both human and prehuman beings, we should be very much astonished as well as shocked. "
The reader will probably acquiesce in this. And in the next chapter some very peculiar information will be given that will have special interest for the ladies.