DEE COMING MAN
- I vant some invormashun, shust so qvickly vot
- I can, How I shall pring mine Yawcob oup to been der coming man,
- For efery day id seem to me der brosbect look der harder
- To make dot coming man imbrove ubon dot going fader.
- 'Tvas beddher he vas more like me, a Deutscher blain und rude,
- As to been abofe hees peesnis und grown oup to been a dude.
- I doil'd oxshbect dot poy off mine a Vashington to be,
- Und schop mit hadchets all aronndt ubon mine abbledree,
- So he can let der coundtry know he echmardter vas as I,
- Und got scheap adverdising dot he don'd could dell a lie:
- Mine Yawcob lets der drees alone undil der fruit dhey bear,
- Und dhen dot feller he looks oudt und gets der lion's share.
- Some say 'tvas beddher dot you teach der young ideas to shoot;
- Veil, I dink dis aboudt id: dot advice id vas no goot!
- Dot poy vonce dook hees broder oudt nnd dhey blay Yilliam Tell,
- Budt Yawcob vas no shooter—he don'd do id pooty veil;
- Dot arrow don'd go droo der core, budt id vent pooty near—
- Shust near enough to miss id und go droo hees broder's ear.
- He dravels mit hees buysickle in efery kind off redder,
- Und dough he vas a demperance poy, somedimes he dakes a "header":
- I don'd know shust oxactly vot dot vas—'tis vorse as bier—
- Shust like he shtrike a cyglone und valk righdt off on his ear!
- I ask von time aboudt id, budt dot poy he only grumble,
- Und say I beddher try id vonce, dhen maybe I vould "tumble."
- Dot Yawcob says dot ve vas boor, vmd he vants to be richer,
- Und dot der coming man must been a virsd-glass pase-pall pitcher;
- He say he must be "shtriking oudt" und try und "make a hit,"
- Und dells me I vas "off mine pase" vhen I makes fun off it;
- Vhen I say he soon must baddle hees canoe "oudt on der schwim,"
- He say dot von off Hanlan's shells vas goot enough for him.
- Dot Shakesbeer say aboudt der son dot's brofligate und vild:
- "How sharper as a serpent's thanks vas been der toothless shild!"
- (I got dot leedle dwisted; I mean dot thankless youth
- He cuts hees poor oldt fader more as a serpent's tooth.)
- Und dhen der broverb dells us dot der shild he must obey,
- Und dot eef you should shpare der rod you shpoil him righdt avay.
- Vell, Yawcob he vas pooty goot—I guess I don'd gomblain,
- I somedimes vish, mineself, dot I vas been a poy again.
- I lets him blay mit pase-pall, und dake headers vhile he can.
- I prings him oup mit kindness, und I risk der coming man.
- Let neighbor Pfeiffer use der shtick, vhile Otto howls und dances;
- I'll shpoil der rod und shpare der shild, I dink, und dake der shances.