A Christmas Garland/A Sequelula to "The Dynasts"

by Max Beerbohm

A Sequelula to "The Dynasts"^[1]

By

Th*m*s H*rdy

The Void is disclosed. Our own Solar System is visible, distant by some two million miles.

Enter the Ancient Spirit and Chorus of the Years, the Spirit and Chorus of the Pities, the Spirit Ironic, the Spirit Sinister, Rumours, Spirit-Messengers, and the Recording Angel.

SPIRIT OF THE PITIES.

Yonder, that swarm of things insectual

Wheeling Nowhither in Particular--

What is it?

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS.

That? Oh that is merely one

Of those innumerous congeries

Of parasites by which, since time began,

Space has been interfested.

SPIRIT SINISTER.

What a pity

We have no means of stamping out these pests!

SPIRIT IRONIC.

Nay, but I like to watch them buzzing round,

Poor little trumpery ephaeonals!

CHORUS OF THE PIETIES (aerial music).

Yes, yes!

What matter a few more or less?

Here and Nowhere plus

Whence and Why makes Thus.

Let these things be.

There's room in the world for them and us.

Nothing is,

Out in the vast immensities

Where these things flit,

Irrequisite

In a minor key

To the tune of the sempiternal It.

SPIRIT IRONIC.

The curious thing about them is that some

Have lesser parasites adherent to them--

Bipedular and quadrupedular

Infinitesimals. On close survey

You see these movesome. Do you not recall,

We once went in a party and beheld

All manner of absurd things happening

On one of those same--planets, don't you call them?

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS (screwing up his eyes at the Solar System).

One of that very swarm it was, if I mistake not.

It had a parasite that called itself

Napoléon. And lately, I believe,

Another parasite has had the impudence

To publish an elaborate account

Of our (for so we deemed it) private visit.

SPIRIT SINISTER.

His name?

RECORDING ANGEL.

One moment.

(Turns over leaves.)

Hardy, Mr. Thomas,

Novelist. Author of "The Woodlanders,"

"Far from the Madding Crowd," "The Trumpet Major,"

"Tess of the D'Urbervilles," etcetera,

Etcetera. In 1895

"Jude the Obscure" was published, and a few

Hasty reviewers, having to supply

A column for the day of publication,

Filled out their space by saying that there were

Several passages that might have been

Omitted with advantage. Mr. Hardy

Saw that if that was so, well then, of course,

Obviously the only thing to do

Was to write no more novels, and forthwith

Applied himself to drama, and to Us.

SPIRIT IRONIC.

Let us hear what he said about Us.

THE OTHER SPIRITS.

Let's.

RECORDING ANGEL (raising receiver of aerial telephone).

3 oh 4 oh oh 3 5, Space.... Hulloa.

Is that the Superstellar Library?

I'm the Recording Angel. Kindly send me

By Spirit-Messenger a copy of

"The Dynasts" by T. Hardy. Thank you.

A pause. Enter Spirit-Messenger, with copy of "The Dynasts."

Thanks.

Exit Spirit-Messenger. The Recording Angel reads "The Dynasts" aloud.

Just as the reading draws to a close, enter the Spirit of Mr. Clement Shorter and Chorus of Subtershorters. They are visible as small grey transparencies swiftly interpenetrating the brains of the spatial Spirits.

SPIRIT OF THE PITIES.

It is a book which, once you take it up,

You cannot readily lay down.

SPIRIT SINISTER.

There is

Not a dull page in it.

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS.

A bold conception

Outcarried with that artistry for which

The author's name is guarantee. We have

No hesitation in commending to our readers

A volume which--

The Spirit of Mr. Clement Shorter and Chorus of Subtershorters are detected and expelled.

--we hasten to denounce

As giving an entirely false account

Of our impressions.

SPIRIT IRONIC.

Hear, hear!

SPIRIT SINISTER.

Hear, hear!

SPIRIT OF THE PITIES.

Hear!

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS.

Intensive vision has this Mr. Hardy,

With a dark skill in weaving word-patterns

Of subtle ideographies that mark him

A man of genius. So am not I,

But a plain Spirit, simple and forthright,

With no damned philosophical fal-lals

About me. When I visited that planet

And watched the animalculae thereon,

I never said they were "automata"

And "jackaclocks," nor dared describe their deeds

As "Life's impulsion by Incognizance."

It may be that those mites have no free will,

But how should I know? Nay, how Mr. Hardy?

We cannot glimpse the origin of things,

Cannot conceive a Causeless Cause, albeit

Such a Cause must have been, and must be greater

Than we whose little wits cannot conceive it.

"Incognizance"! Why deem incognizant

An infinitely higher than ourselves?

How dare define its way with us? How know

Whether it leaves us free or holds us bond?

SPIRIT OF THE PITIES.

Allow me to associate myself

With every word that's fallen from your lips.

The author of "The Dynasts" has indeed

Misused his undeniably great gifts

In striving to belittle things that are

Little enough already. I don't say

That the phrenetical behaviour

Of those aforesaid animalculae

Did, while we watched them, seem to indicate

Possession of free-will. But, bear in mind,

We saw them in peculiar circumstances--

At war, blinded with blood and lust and fear.

Is it not likely that at other times

They are quite decent midgets, capable

Of thinking for themselves, and also acting

Discreetly on their own initiative,

Not drilled and herded, yet gregarious--

A wise yet frolicsome community?

SPIRIT IRONIC.

What are these "other times" though? I had thought

Those midgets whiled away the vacuous hours

After one war in training for the next.

And let me add that my contempt for them

Is not done justice to by Mr. Hardy.

SPIRIT SINISTER.

Nor mine. And I have reason to believe

Those midgets shone above their average

When we inspected them.

A RUMOUR (tactfully intervening).

Yet have I heard

(Though not on very good authority)

That once a year they hold a festival

And thereat all with one accord unite

In brotherly affection and good will.

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS (to Recording Angel).

Can you authenticate this Rumour?

RECORDING ANGEL.

Such festival they have, and call it "Christmas."

SPIRIT OF THE PITIES.

Then let us go and reconsider them

Next "Christmas."

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS (to Recording Angel).

When is that?

RECORDING ANGEL (consults terrene calendar).

This day three weeks.

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS.

On that day we will re-traject ourselves.

Meanwhile, 'twere well we should be posted up

In details of this feast.

SPIRIT OF THE PITIES (to Recording Angel).

Aye, tell us more.

RECORDING ANGEL.

I fancy you could best find what you need

In the Complete Works of the late Charles Dickens.

I have them here.

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS.

Read them aloud to us.

The Recording Angel reads aloud the Complete Works of Charles Dickens.

RECORDING ANGEL (closing "Edwin Drood").

'Tis Christmas Morning.

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS.

Then must we away.

SEMICHORUS I. OF YEARS (aerial music).

'Tis time we press on to revisit

That dear little planet,

To-day of all days to be seen at

Its brightest and best.

Now holly and mistletoe girdle

Its halls and its homesteads,

And every biped is beaming

With peace and good will.

SEMICHORUS II.

With good will and why not with free will?

If clearly the former

May nest in those bosoms, then why not

The latter as well?

Let's lay down no laws to trip up on,

Our way is in darkness,

And not but by groping unhampered

We win to the light.

The Spirit and Chorus of the Years traject themselves, closely followed by the Spirit and Chorus of the Pities, the Spirits and Choruses Sinister and Ironic, Rumours, Spirit Messengers, and the Recording Angel.

There is the sound of a rushing wind. The Solar System is seen for a few instants growing larger and larger--a whorl of dark, vastening orbs careering round the sun. All but one of these is lost to sight. The convex seas and continents of our planet spring into prominence.

The Spirit of Mr. Hardy is visible as a grey transparency swiftly interpenetrating the brain of the Spirit of the Years, and urging him in a particular direction, to a particular point.

The Aerial Visitants now hover in mid-air on the outskirts of Casterbridge, Wessex, immediately above the County Gaol.

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS.

First let us watch the revelries within

This well-kept castle whose great walls connote

A home of the pre-eminently blest.

The roof of the gaol becomes transparent, and the whole interior is revealed, like that of a beehive under glass. Warders are marching mechanically round the corridors of white stone, unlocking and clanging open the iron doors of the cells. Out from every door steps a convict, who stands at attention, his face to the wall.

At a word of command the convicts fall into gangs of twelve, and march down the stone stairs, out into the yard, where they line up against the walls.

Another word of command, and they file mechanically, but not more mechanically than their warders, into the Chapel.

SPIRIT OF THE PITIES.

Enough!

SPIRITS SINISTER AND IRONIC.

'Tis more than even we can bear.

SPIRIT OF THE PITIES.

Would we had never come!

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS.

Brother, 'tis well

To have faced a truth however hideous,

However humbling. Gladly I discipline

My pride by taking back those pettish doubts

Cast on the soundness of the central thought

In Mr. Hardy's drama. He was right.

Automata these animalculae

Are--puppets, pitiable jackaclocks.

Be't as it may elsewhere, upon this planet

There's no free will, only obedience

To some blind, deaf, unthinking despotry

That justifies the horridest pessimism.

Frankly acknowledging all this, I beat

A quick but not disorderly retreat.

He re-trajects himself into Space, followed closely by his Chorus, and by the Spirit and Chorus of the Pities, the Spirits Sinister and Ironic with their Choruses, Rumours, Spirit Messengers, and the Recording Angel.

1. This has been composed from a scenario thrust on me by some one else. My philosophy of life saves me from sense of responsibility for any of my writings; but I venture to hold myself specially irresponsible for this one.--TH*M*S H*RDY.