Anacreontics (Benson, 1872)/The Sons of the Sorrowful, or The Liquor Question
THE SONS OF THE SORROWFUL, OR THE LIQUOR LICENSE.
A majority of the cities and towns of Massachusetts voted yesterday to license the sale of cider and beer.—Morning papers.
I met a gaunt Aquarian,
His nose was long and blue;
He looked so bad, that watery cad,
'Twas painful him to view;
Adown his face there rolled apace
A salt and bitter tear;
"Alas!" he cried (and sore he sighed),
"They've licensed cider and beer!
"We thought we'd drawn our leading-strings
Around the state so tight,
Cold water on its healing wings
Would put all foes to flight.
No drop of aught that's good to drink
Should in the land appear,
But now—it makes my spirits sink—
They've licensed cider and beer!
"The deed is done—I plainly
That we shall backwards go,
And follow men like Agassiz,
And men like Longfellow;
And after Fiske our heads will frisk
'Till daylight doth appear.'
Some fiend has brought our work to naught
And licensed cider and beer!
"The goodly time was coming fast
When malt should be a sin;
When we could shut Hans Breitmann up,
And cage Gambrinus in;
When wine should be a felony,
And meet a doom severe;
They've stultified our hope and pride;
They've licensed cider and beer!
"If children ill of typhoid lie,
Let 'willing angels' take 'em;
'Twere better far they all should die
Than brandy sound should make 'em.
Let nursing mothers faint and droop
For want of spiritual cheer—
But ah! I dream; they've spoiled our scheme;
They've licensed cider and beer!
"What will befall our wicked State,
That hath backslided thus?
What awful doom will cruel fate
Inflict upon poor us?
Say, shall we see great General B.
Our Governor next year?
Or greater curse, if any's worse?
They've licensed cider and beer!"
His voice grew faint, he slunk away,
His nose seemed lengthening out;
His coat-tails flapped in disarray,
Like shirt of Dicky Dout;
But on the wind he cast behind
His plaint in accents drear,
"Woe to the Hub! O Beelzebub!
They've licensed cider and beer!