Ancient and Modern Pederasty Investigated and Exemplify'd/Juno and Jupiter
The coldness with which Jupiter from this Time return’d Juno’s Warmth, was certainly not to be endur’d by an honest Wife, who rigorously exacts the Lawful Tithe of her Yokefellow’s Blood. This Goddess, whose Character is not Patience, thus vents the racking Anguish of her Soul.
Jun. Ever since you have had that Scandalous Phrygian, whom you as scandalously kidnapp’d, I have been regarded no more than a Straw: And is it to be borne? Take, who will, your Nectar, your Ambrosia, the Superb Car drawn by Peacocks; give me the Conjugal Caresses of my own Jupiter; for he is my own, tho’ so basely filch’d from me.
Jup. There’s always something in your jealous Pate to disturb your, and all Heaven’s Quiet.
Jun. And does not cruel Jove ever furnish Occasion? You follow your Amours so meanly; behold you are a Swan, a Bull, an Eagle: you are all things by Turns, but a good Husband.
Jup. Be easy.
Jun. However, a Sort of Decency was observ’d ’till now: When you had a Girl, you past a Night or two below, and there was an End of it; but this effeminate Stripling is lodg’d in my Palace, and slobber’d under my very Eyes. Alas for Hebe and Vulcan! They were superannuate; and you wanted a Cup-bearer. But ’tis plain enough what you wanted; and your Passion carries you beyond all Bounds. If any, but Ganymede, give Drink, you can hardly help flinging it in their Faces: But when that luscious Boy comes with the Cup, O how the Omnipotent’s Eyes glitter with Pleasure! You snatch him to you, and kissing declare, he excels the Sweetness of Nectar; which you just taste, (dry you are not) and make him take a Draught, then, resuming the Cup, clap your Lips to the Mark’d Place, drinking and Imagining to kiss at the same Time. Also t’other Day a Dice-box grac’d the Thundering world-shaking Right Hand; a Dice-box rattled by a long bearded God at Play with an insignificant Boy. Shameless Jupiter!
Jup. Prithee don’t make such a Rout: I am Lord of all, and shall do as I please.
Jun. Do, do; be a Bye-word and Reproach: but your injur’d Wife will not endure it.
(Here Jupiter in a very strong Manner discovers his Contempt of Juno, by utterly unnoticing her Speech, and passionately expressing his Delight at Ganymede.)
Jup. It is my Heaven to sit and gaze upon him: my only Thirst to gorge his balmy Kisses. Should I permit you to press, or but touch those rich Lips, you would not blame me for preferring the clingy Coral to all the Sweets of Nature.
Jun. This is the Talk of Pederasts: But you don’t think I am so mad to Kiss the womanish Barbarian: I kiss the odious Creature!
Jup. Do not be so severe, Madam Juno: This womanish Barbarian, this odious Creature is infinitely before—But what signifies aggravating a poor Female?
Jun. I wish you was married to him instead of me. What have I not suffer’d upon Account of this little tripping Waiter!
Jup. You honour him too much: That precious Son of yours, the beautiful Black smith, alone merits the Title. But I’ll venture to say, the Mama cou’d not kiss her own Lubber reeking from his Forge, all Grime and Lather: While Ganymede, purer than whitest Snow, neat-made, whose rosetipt Fingers outglow the gemmy Bowl, which he presents with such a Grace, is to be dismist, as coming far short of that delicate Ornament of our Table: But confess; is it not because the sweet Boy’s Kisses excel Nectar?
Jun. Now my Vulcan is awkward; now he’s begrim’d and not fit to touch any Thing; you did not find these Faults before this curl’d Puppy come here.
Jup. Your Rage only adds its Fewel to my Flame; if you don’t like a clean Attendant, there’s your stinking Smith. Charming Ganymede, wait upon me alone: And mind; always kiss me twice, when you give the Cup, and when you take it away. Does my dear, and only dear, Delight weep? Let thy Jupiter’s Smile dispel all gloomy Apprehensions. They, who disturb you, shall rain bitter Tears.