A HARD-LUCK YARN.
While reposin' one day in me leisurely way, a-puffin' a wicked cheroot,
I happens to spy with a glance of me eye a gent in a major league suit.
"I know who ye are—you're a major league star," says I, "or you once used to be."
"Well, jigger me neck, but your dope is correck," was the answer he handed to me.
I happens to spy with a glance of me eye a gent in a major league suit.
"I know who ye are—you're a major league star," says I, "or you once used to be."
"Well, jigger me neck, but your dope is correck," was the answer he handed to me.
And he mutters, says he: "I've a story for ye
Which I want ye to put in the paper for me.
Which I want ye to put in the paper for me.
'Twas quite a while back, if me dope is exack, when I was a bloomin' recruit;
I had just busted in from a minor league bin, with a try at a major league suit,
When the followin' tale, which will make you turn pale, happened one day to me in a game;
And I think you'll agree when you hear it from me, that I wasn't hardly to blame.
I had just busted in from a minor league bin, with a try at a major league suit,
When the followin' tale, which will make you turn pale, happened one day to me in a game;
And I think you'll agree when you hear it from me, that I wasn't hardly to blame.
'Twas the opening fray of the season that day, and the bases was full as a goat;
And the pitcher he smiled in a manner which riled as I swallowed a lump in me throat;
And he winged one across with a deft, easy toss, and it bubbled along at me waist;
And I swung till me back give a horrible crack, but I give it a terrible paist.
And the pitcher he smiled in a manner which riled as I swallowed a lump in me throat;
And he winged one across with a deft, easy toss, and it bubbled along at me waist;
And I swung till me back give a horrible crack, but I give it a terrible paist.
That ball riz and sailed till the people all paled, when it turned to a vanishin' speck;
And me hands was swelled up like a fat, poisoned pup, while the bat I used was a wreck.
Clean over the ocean, like lightnin' in motion, it whizzled and whistled and whirled;
Over China, Japan, it bounded and ran, till it traveled the length of the world.
And me hands was swelled up like a fat, poisoned pup, while the bat I used was a wreck.
Clean over the ocean, like lightnin' in motion, it whizzled and whistled and whirled;
Over China, Japan, it bounded and ran, till it traveled the length of the world.
With a most vicious swipe it dismantled the pipe in the mouth of King Edward at tea;
Then it veered to the Rhine, where it busted a stein which der Kaiser was holdin', you see;
And it gave quite a jar to the badly scared Czar when it toppled his throne to the ground;
But it went on its way with the speed of H. Bay, with a hop and a skip and a bound.
Then it veered to the Rhine, where it busted a stein which der Kaiser was holdin', you see;
And it gave quite a jar to the badly scared Czar when it toppled his throne to the ground;
But it went on its way with the speed of H. Bay, with a hop and a skip and a bound.
That night, with a sigh and a tear in his eye, the captain give me my release;
For the President wired that I had to be fired for the good of the country and peace.
'He hits 'em too hard and too fur from the yard,' was the message the President sent.
'He has raised complications with neighborly nations; and I am a peaceable gent.'
For the President wired that I had to be fired for the good of the country and peace.
'He hits 'em too hard and too fur from the yard,' was the message the President sent.
'He has raised complications with neighborly nations; and I am a peaceable gent.'
So they turned me adrift and I gave up my shift; and that's why I'm out of the game.
I was too bloomin' good, or I'm certain I would have acquired quite a notable name."
I was too bloomin' good, or I'm certain I would have acquired quite a notable name."