Base-Ball Ballads/The Laugh on Nero

by Grantland Rice

 

THE LAUGH ON NERO.

Among the Coliseum throng King Nero sat him down;
A toga wrapped his shoulder blade, upon his face a frown.
"Ho! turn the tigers loose," he cried, "and bring the lions out!"
At which the massive mob stood up and cheered with mighty shout.

The fiercest lions Numidia had ever grown were there,
The most blood-thirsty Tigerines from Bengal's far-famed lair.
For weeks no food of any sort had been left in their cage
To work each beast into a pitch of gnawing, clawing rage.

Out in the center of the throng the victim took his stand,
A careless smile upon his lips, no weapon in his hand;
He looked serenely on the mob which clamored for his gore,
And faced the tiges with smothered yawns, unmindful of their roar.

The signal given, with a snarl each lion and tiger rushed
Upon their prey, while all around the multitude sat hushed,

But lo, the victim stood his ground, and with a lordly air
He waved each lion and tiger back and gave them glare for glare.

 

While waiting for their victim to be scattered, limb from limb,
And many Roman coins were bet on what they'd do to him.

But lo! the victim stood his ground, and with a lordly air
He waved each lion and tiger back and gave them glare for glare.
He listened while they growled around and howled at him a bit;
Then pointed toward the nearest gate and simply answered, "Git!"

Before that gesture and that look—that voice so cold and keen—
The growling monsters beat it very quickly from the scene;
While with a bored and blasé air, unmindful of his cup,
The victim took another "chew," and cried, "Next batter up."

Upon his perch King Nero sat, quite thunderstruck with awe.
"This is the strangest gent," said he, "that I have ever saw.
By all the gods of ancient Rome who can this duffer be?"
"I used to umpire," he replied; "this job was pie for me."