I'm dying, yes, Charmian, dying,
I'm dying to stroll out awhile.
This eve we'll go down to the Cydnus
And scare up some old crocodile.
I swear by the Priests of Serapis
This Egypt just gives me the blues,
It seems that my only companions
Are crocodiles, storks, and emus.
I'm so melancholy and stupid,
Sweet maid should I drop in a doze,
I pray you loosen my sandals
And pull off these long silken hose.
Bring me the asp in the lattice box
That Tony caught down in the Nile.
Finch up his tail with a small carob stick
And then let him wiggle awhile.
Last night my pet lion, Augustus,
Was howling for something to eat—
Why under the sun don't they feed him
That slave with the pigeon-toed feet?
To-day you must polish those idols,
The buhl-headed idols—and more,
Just see that those lubberly eunuchs
Don't spit on my porphry floor.
You're getting infernally lazy
And looking so peeked and white.
See here, miss! Does that jay from Memphis
Think you can sit up every night?
I vow, I believe you're weak-minded,
Your brain seems to be in a whirl,
Next week I'll go down to Miletus
And look up a new hired girl.
Go bring me my old mother hubbard,
And also those Indian balms;
Come, let us go down in the gardens
And bask 'neath those lovely dhoum palms.
Bring also my pearl brooch and necklace,
Dear, lazy, old Ethiope girl!
Some wine of Ramesian vintage
I'll mix up a nectar of pearl.
We'll drink to Osiris and Isis
The great Sphinx of Theban renown,
Old Cheops, the father of pyramids,
The Ptolemies, then to the crown.
By Pthah! let us try the new poison
On some of our new Roman stock.
I'd like to tip over some pyramid
And give the old mummies a shock.
What's that? Who seeks for admission?
Was that a fog horn I heard blow?
Can Tony be nearing the castle?
Just look, Charmian dear, ere you go.
Have something good, dearie, for breakfast,
But you know what pleases me most—
Some pelican's eggs, a la Cairo,
And fried phenicopters on toast.
Remember about rising early,
Get up with the wagtail at four.
So smother the glim in the hallway,
And lock up the back kitchen door.
