CAPTAIN WATTLE AND MISS ROE.
Did you ever hear of Captain Wattle,
He was all for love and a little for the bottle,
We know not, though pain we have ta'en to inquire,
If gunpowder he invented, or the Thames set on fire,
If to him was the centre of gravity known,
The longitude, or the philosopher's stone,
Or whether he studied from Bacon or Boyle.
Copernicus, Locke, Katerfelto, or Hoyle;
But this we have learnt with great labour and pain.
That he lov'd Miss Roe, and she lov'd him again.
⟨Than⟩ sweet Miss Roe none e'er look'd fiercer;
⟨She⟩ had but one eye, but that was a piercer,
We know not, for certainty her education,
⟨If⟩ she wrote, mended stockings, or settled the nation,
⟨At⟩ cards if she liked whist, and swabbers or voles,
⟨Or⟩ at dinner lov'd pig, or a steak on the coals,
⟨Whether⟩ most of the Sappho she was or Thalestris,
⟨Or⟩ if dancing was taught her by Hopkins, or Vestris,
⟨But⟩ for your satisfaction. this good news we obtain,
⟨That⟩ she lov'd Captain Wattie, and he lov'd her again.
⟨When⟩ wedded, he became lord and master depend on't
⟨He⟩ had but one leg, but he'd a foot at the end on't.
⟨Which⟩ of government when she would fain hold the bridle,
⟨He⟩ took special caution should never lie idle.
So, like most married folks, 'twas my plague and my chicken,
And sometimes a kissing, and sometimes a kicking:
Then for comfort a cordial she'd now and then try,
Alternately bunging or piping her eye;
And these facts of this couple the hist'ry contain,
For when he kick'd Miss Roe, she kick'd him again.
———
This work was published before January 1, 1929, and is in the public domain worldwide because the author died at least 100 years ago.
Public domainPublic domainfalsefalse