Epitaph on Don Francisco

by John Arbuthnot

An Epitaph.

Here lieth the Body of Colonel

DON FRANCISCO;

Who, with inflexible Constancy,

And inimitable Uniformity of Life,

Persisted, in Spite of Age and Infirmity,

In the Practice of every human Vice,

Excepting Prodigality and Hypocrisy;

His insatiable Avarice

Exempting him from the first,

And his matchless Impudence

From the latter.

Nor was he more singular

In that undeviating Viciousness of Life,

Than successful in accumulating Wealth;

Having,

Without Trust of public Money, Bribe,

Worth, Service, Trade, or Profession,

Acquired, or rather created

A Ministerial Estate.

Among the Singularities of his Life and Fortune

Be it likewise commemorated,

That he was the only Person in his Time

Who could cheat without the Mask of Honesty;

Who could retain his primaeval Meanness

After being possessed of 10,000 Pounds a Year;

And who, having done, every Day of his Life,

Something worthy of a Gibbet,

Was once condemned to one

For what he had not done.

Think not, indignant Reader,

His Life, useless to Mankind.

PROVIDENCE

Favoured, or rather connived at

His execrable Designs,

That he might remain,

To this, and future Ages,

A conspicuous Proof and Example

Of how small Estimation

Exorbitant Wealth is held in the Sight

Of the ALMIGHTY,

By his bestowing it on

The most unworthy

Of all the Descendants

of Adam.