XXIV
With the first breath of spring Asha had spread a mat on the open roof-terrace and was sitting there in the evening twilight immersed in the serial story of a monthly magazine. The hero, returning home for the holidays after a long and strenuous year, had fallen into the hands of robbers. Asha was in a quiver of suspense! The unfortunate heroine had just awakened from a bad dream and was in tears. Asha could not restrain her own! Asha had a very liberal appreciation of magazine stories. Whichever one she was reading appeared to her so charming! She would gush over them to Binodini: "Oh Eyesore, my love, do read this story. It's so delightful. I've nearly cried my eyes out." But Binodini's critical remarks would prove rather a damper for her.
To-day Asha had determined to get Mahendra to read this one. As with moist eyes she closed the pages of the magazine, Mahendra came up. His expression somewhat alarmed her, as, with a forced cheerfulness, he said: "Who is the fortunate creature on whom you are thinking so intently all alone up here?"
Asha forgot all about the hero and heroine as she anxiously inquired: "Aren't you feeling well?"
"I'm all right," said Mahendra.
"Then something must be on your mind," insisted Asha. "Do tell me."
Mahendra helped himself to a pan[1] from Asha's box and said: "I was thinking what a long while it is since Kaki has had a sight of you. How overjoyed she would be if you suddenly paid her a surprise visit!"
Asha gazed expectantly at Mahendra without replying. She could not make out why this idea had now occurred to him again.
Finding Asha silent, Mahendra returned to the subject. "Don't you feel you'd like to go?" he asked her.
This was a difficult question, She did want to see her aunt, but she did not want to leave Mahendra. "I'll go with you when your next vacation comes on," she said at last.
Mahendra.—"I'm afraid I won't be able to get away even during the vacation. I'll have to be getting ready for my examination."
Asha.—"Then let it be for the present."
Mahendra.—"Why let it be? You wanted to go, why not do so?"
Asha.—"No, I'd rather not."
Mahendra.—"You were so eager the other day, what's the matter now?"
Asha sat still with downcast eyes.
Mahendra had been wrought up into a state of fidgets with his constant contriving to be left alone to get an opportunity for making it up with Binodini. Asha's silence exasperated him. "Are you nursing any suspicion against me in your mind, that you dare n't let me out of your sight?" he snappishly burst out. Asha's mild and accomodating nature suddenly seemed to him unbearable. "If she wants to go to her aunt," he thought irritably, "why can't she say so. Why can't she say 'you must send me there' instead of this 'yes' and 'no' and then getting struck dumb!"
Mahendra's sudden outburst astonished and frightened Asha. She could not for the life of her think of any reply. Why Mahendra was getting to be so effusive in his caresses, so cruel in his ebullitions of temper, was a growing mystery to her. And the more difficult of comprehension did Mahendra become, the more did her trembling heart cling fast to him and try to envelope him with its love.—She mistrust him and want to keep watch on him! She knew not whether this was only a cruel mockery or a stern indictment; was it to be laughed away, or must she swear it baseless?
Finding the distracted Asha still silent, Mahendra, unable to control himself, rudely left her. The last trace of the sunset glow faded away from the evening sky, the fleeting balminess of the early spring gave way to a chilly breeze, and yet Asha lay prone on her mat on the terrace.
When late in the night Asha dragged herself to their room, she found Mahendra had gone to bed without a word to her. He must be utterly disgusted with her callousness in not being eager to see her loving aunt, thought she. As she got into bed she clasped his feet and lay there with her head against them in mute appeal. Mahendra's heart melted with a tender pity as he tried to draw her to his side. But Asha would not budge. "If I have done any wrong, forgive me," she supplicated.
"You have done no wrong, Chuni," said Mahendra remorsefully. "It's I who am a brute and have hurt you undeservedly."
Asha rained tears on his feet, and Mahendra sitting up lifted her to his side. When her fit of crying was over she said: "It's not that I don't long to see Kaki, but I can't bear the idea of leaving you. Pray don't think me heartless."
Mahendra tenderly brushed the tears off Asha's cheek. "Why should I think ill of you, Chuni?" said he. "How can I possibly be annoyed because you can't bear to leave me? You needn't go anywhere at all."
"No, I'll go to Benares."
Mahendra.—"Why?"
Asha.—Since you have even for a moment imagined that I can mistrust you, I must go once, if only for a few days.
Mahendra—I have sinned, and you undergo the purification?
Asha.—I don't know about that. I must have sinned somehow, or why should these horrid ideas cross your mind? Why should I appear to have done things I never even dream of?
Mahendra.—That's because I'm bad beyond your dreams.
"Oh don't,—you shan't say such things!" cried the distressed Asha. "But I really must once go to Benares."
"All right, go if you will," laughed Mahendra. "But what if I go to the bad out of your sight!"
"You needn't try to frighten me," declared Asha. "As if I'm worrying myself over such an absurd idea!"
Mahendra.—But you ought to worry. If you spoil such a husband through sheer carelessness, yours will be all the blame.
Asha.—I won't try to fasten the blame on you, so you needn't be anxious.
Mahendra.—Then you'll own it's your fault?
Asha.—A hundred times!
"All right, then I'll call on your guardian to-morrow and fix up everything." With which Mahendra turned over to sleep. But after a while he again turned towards her saying: "Chuni, hadn't you better not go after all?"
"Please don't say no. If I don't go at all your blame will stick to me. Let me go just for a few days!" implored Asha.
"Very well," said Mahendra as he turned over again.
The day before she was to leave for Benares, Asha put her arms round Binodini and said, "Will you promise me one thing, my Eyesore, faithfully?"
"What is it, dear?" asked Binodini, pinching her cheek. "Wouldn't I do anything to please you?"
"Goodness knows," said Asha pensively, "what has come over you of late. You seem to be trying to avoid my husband."
Binodini.—Can't you imagine why I do so, dear? Didn't you hear with your own ears what passed between Vihari Babu and your husband the other day? After that should I appear before him? What would you have done in my place?
Asha of course felt that Binodini was right. How shameful were the things said that day she knew from her own experience. Still she went on: "Such a lot of nasty things do get said. What's your love for us worth if you let them weigh you down? Forget them, my love."
"Very well, dear, I'll forget them," said Binodini.
"I'm going off to Benares to-morrow" continued Asha. "You must look after my husband, dear, and see that he wants for nothing. I won't have you running away from him any more!"
Binodini was silent. Asha took her by the hand as she repeated her entreaty: "As you love me, do promise me this!"
"I will," said Binodini.
Translated by
Surendranath Tagore.
- ↑ Spices wrapped up in betel leaf.