In Other Words/Of Course You Would

by Franklin P. Adams

Layout 2

 

Of Course You Would

If you had to make some verses on the topics of the day,
 You would read the morning papers rather fully;
For you’d like to find a theme to make your readers shout: “Hooray!”
 And to make your Dear Employer say: “That’s bully!”

You would scan aforesaid journals with a very fine-tooth comb
 (With the metaphors I’m something of a mixer.)
For a nifty little subject you could pad into a pome;
 And you’d have to be about it pretty quick, sir.

You would read the Morse indictment; you would read of plot and crime;
 You might read about a meeting suffragetty;
But you’d say: “Them ain’t no matters for to put in classic rhyme,”
 And no more would be the Central loans and Hetty.

You would read how Mr. Vanderbilt and others had been robbed;
 You would read or skip some speeches at a dinner;
You would see a Gothic headline saying: “Pretty Woman Mobbed,”
 And you’d read a few critiques of Otis Skinner.

You would read about the blow-up in the tunnel yesternoon;
 You would read—oh, yes you would—the ice inquiry;
You would read about the chap who lived a week in a balloon,
 And you’d find that every theme was uninspiry.

Oh, you’d worry like the mischief on your foolish daily pome,
 For you’d want to do it prettily and nicely,
And after doing all of this you’d hit the breeze for home.
****
 And that’s the way that I should do, precisely.