Little Mr Bouncer and His Friend Verdant Green/Chapter the Last
CHAPTER THE LAST.
LITTLE MR. BOUNCER RETURNS TO THE HOME OF HIS ANCESTORS.
OONLIGHT shed its silvery lustre over the fair landscape in the midst of which stood the large and comfortable old house, known as Gay's Court, the home of Mr. Bouncer and his ancestors for many generations. The cold beams fell upon the village church, softening its hoar austerity, and,
Leaving that beautiful which still was so;
though this Byronic quotation could scarcely be continued,
And making that which was not,
as regarded the grotesque gurgoyles; for, no natural or artificial light could ever make such stony monsters beautiful; and a bewildered owl, coming suddenly upon one of them, might have dropped its prey out of its claws, from sheer alarm.
The moonbeams also penetrated the little yard at the rear of the Old Hummums, where Huz and Buz had been housed for the night, and where Alphonse was bewailing his separation from Madame in a lugubrious French recitative, to which Huz and Buz added an English chorus, by way of sympathy.
If their united voices—and, as Mrs. Gamp said, "their howls was organs"—kept any one awake, it was certainly not their master, who slept in the front of the hotel, and whose sound slumbers were not even disturbed by the rumble of the early market-carts that brought the treasures of the garden and orchard to Covent Garden Market.
Mr. Bouncer bought a new hat, that fitted his cropped head somewhat better than did his old one; he also restored the parting of his hair to its usual place, and, as much as was possible under impossible circumstances, brushed his hair to make it assume its ordinary appearance. He also called upon Messrs. Stump and Rowdy on that important matter which he designated as "forking out tin:" and, from the little gentleman's pleased appearance at the end of the interview, there was reason to believe that the "tin" had been forked out in a highly satisfactory manner.
He set out for home the next day, accompanied by Alphonse and Huz and Buz, to whom he had explained that the queer-looking little French poodle was intended as a present to his sister, and would not in any way supplant them in his own affections.
The Great Western carried him quickly by Reading and on to Swindon; and, as he journeyed, and thought of the brace of barbers under whose hands he had placed himself, Mr. Bouncer was not only reminded of the incident of his half-clipped horse, but also of an other circumstance that had recently come within his knowledge. It was this:
One of the Brazenfacemen, Kelly by name, but usually known either by the sobriquet of "The Wild Irishman" or the shorter name of "Paddy," had driven over to Woodstock, and had there met with a "Maudlin" Hall man named Blatherwyck, who was in a very maudlin state, and far from sober. Now, this Blatherwyck was not a very popular man in his College, being far from agreeable in his manners and distinguished for nothing in particular, unless it was for a pair of large bushy whiskers of which he was exceedingly vain, and to the curling of which he was believed to devote much of his mind and leisure hours. His whiskers, moreover, had earned for him the cognomen of "Esau." When Paddy found that Esau was not able to take due care of himself, he put him in his own cart, and drove him back to Oxford. With the assistance of men of his own College, Blatherwyck was put to bed; when it suddenly occurred to one of the party that it would be a great lark to shave off one of Esau's pet whiskers. This was accordingly done, and the slumberer was left to sleep off the effect of his potations.
Meanwhile, his father, who was a country rector, had come up to Oxford for the Commemoration, and had called, late in the evening, at his son's rooms; but, not finding him in, had gone back to the Star. The first thing in the morning the elder Mr. Blatherwyck returned to his son's rooms, with the intention of having breakfast with him.
He found the breakfast already laid in the sitting-room, and, hearing a snore from the bed-room, walked in and saw his son asleep in the bed, with his whiskerless cheek uppermost.
Now, as he knew that his son possessed a remarkably fine pair of whiskers, it was at once evident to him that the individual who was snoring in bed in the dimly-lighted room was not his first-born, and that he, Mr. Blatherwyck, must have made a mistake, and had entered the rooms of a stranger.
He, therefore, at once beat a retreat, and went down into the Quad, where he met a scout, to whom he politely said, "Will you be good enough to direct me to Mr. Blatherwyck's rooms?" "The first pair to the left, sir," replied the scout, pointing to the staircase. "But I have just come from there," said the other, "and they are not my son's rooms." "They are Mr. Blatherwyck's rooms, sir," replied the scout, "and I took his breakfast there not a quarter of an hour ago. He was in bed. I think he had been making hisself pleasant last night. You 'll find them all right, sir—first pair to the left."
"Very odd!" thought the country rector, as he walked back to the rooms, and again heard the snoring of the slumberer. He picked up several books, and, in each of them, saw his son's name. In various parts of the room he also recognized articles that he knew belonged to his son. But the gentleman who was snoring in bed could not be his son, for there was no whisker on his upturned cheek. Some other man must have got into his son's bed! He would go and wake up the intruder, and ask him if Mr. Blatherwyck was coming to breakfast.
With this intent he went to the bed, and gave its occupant a hearty shake. To his great surprise, the roused slumberer turned round his head, and displayed one well known whisker, and the features of his son. The son's question, "Hallo, Governor! where did you spring from?" was answered by the father's question, "Why, Tom! where 's your other whisker?" "My other what?" "Whisker!"
The unhappy undergraduate placed his hand to his cheek, and felt, with a bitter pang, that it was denuded of its hirsute attraction. Then he sprang from his bed, and rushed to the looking-glass, and there saw the peculiar figure that was presented to his view.
"It 's that wild Irishman!" he cried, as he vowed vengeance on the perpetrator of the deed.
"Make a clean breast of it, Tom, and tell me how it all happened," said his father.
So, poor Esau made a clean breast of it, and told his father everything—what he had done at Woodstock, and how Kelly had driven him back to College, and put him to bed.
"Let it be a warning to you, Tom, never to get tipsy again," said his father. "If you acquire tippling habits, you will lose what will be worth more to you than a whisker." The son promised amendment, and they sat down to breakfast; after which, Blatherwyck shaved off his other pet whisker, and appeared at the Commemoration festivities, looking so altered that his friends scarcely recognized him. It was but a sorry consolation to assure him that, before the end of the Long Vacation, his whiskers would have grown again, and would be as fascinating as ever. As for Paddy, he disowned the deed, and it never could be proved against him.
Little Mr. Bouncer thought of this incident as he was whirled towards his home, and wondered whether his own cropped head of hair would grow as quickly as Blatherwyck's whiskers.
On from Swindon, the train hurried him to Gloucester; then Ross was reached, and at Hereford he had come to the termination of his railway journey.
There, according to his instructions, his groom was in waiting, with a saddle-horse and the Whitechapel cart. The luggage and three dogs were placed in the latter; Mr. Bouncer mounted the former, and galloped away to Gay's Court, where his mother and sister were delighted to see him, and where he once again found himself in the home of his ancestors.
Under what more favourable circumstances could we leave the little gentleman?
Ladies and gentlemen! Mr. Bouncer makes his best bow to you, and thanks you for having tolerated his society. He has been well pleased to meet you, and hopes that you also may have experienced some little pleasure in meeting him. And now he must say "Good bye!" having got to
THE END.