VANITY FAIR
May, 1920
p. 84
A Learned Lecture on Music and Animals
Being a Discussion, by a Great Modern Satirist in Music, of Certain Aspects of His Art as Practiced by What are Assumed to Be the Lower Creatures
by ERIK SATIE
OT being an orator, I cannot make a speech—I cannot even chat informally.
I will, however, permit myself to read you a letter—an open letter—that I have written for you. Before reading it to you, I will enlighten you on the subject of what I have done—in the past—for animals.
IN the most estimable Revue I know I recently had the honour of publishing an article on the Intelligence and Musicality of Animals. I had all the authority necessary to publish that article.
I love animals, and they return my affection.
Animals know me—and they recognize me: especially dogs.
Yes, I love animals. I like chickens, sheep, ducks, smoked salmon, beef and turkey stuffed with chestnuts—even without the chestnuts—with truffles.
Yes, I love animals; for I am good to them—yes, too good.
I follow them in their infancy; I assist as a friend at their betrothals, at their marriages—that is, of course, if I can—
I intervene in a friendly way, in their fights—that is when I dare—
I ADVISE them; I give them advice as a father to his family.
They owe me a great deal—for all the time I have spent with them has cost me a half my fortune. Contact with them has caused infirmities in me; I have become bald—like an eagle. But, that is nothing, and it does not show.
Having thus spoken, I am going to take the liberty of reading the letter that I have addressed to you.
It is an open letter, so I permitted myself the great pleasure of opening it before reading it to you.
