Page:A Nineteenth Century Satire.djvu/23

This page has been proofread, but needs to be validated.

A NINETEENTH CENTURY SATIRE

11

In others, the prevailing styles of dress
Have blent deformity with ugliness;
While others, by their strange attire, perplex
One's mind alike as to their age and sex.^[1]
Now to descant on Fools—they are the fruits

NOTES

↑ Ones mind alike as to their age and sex.] The unsexed woman, is thus described by a writer in a publication whose title is Woman. 'The common or garden sort is rather plain than coloured. Stays it knows not nor needs, for Nature willed it otherwise. It is generally large in person, wearing pince-nez—not that its sight is dim, but rather the reverse—and close-cropped hair, parted at the side for preference. Its skirts are short, and its boots no man knoweth the size thereof. A hard "bowler" hat it wears, and a shiny, shapeless waterproof. Is there a nasty subject to debate in the House of Commons? It will be there in force, unless there chance to be something equally interesting at Exeter Hall, and then it will be sorry it cannot be in two places at once. The unhappy M.P. knows it, and fearfully he treads the Lobby. It has its pet parson, and its own particular organ in the London Press, and miserable man is heavily trampled on each succeeding week. It has its weaknesses, but "nerves" and other female follies it does not recognise. It has its orators, who will orate you wondrous well on blue-books or bigamy. Such is the Neuter Sex as it is known and dreaded of men. But when a petticoated person of the Neuter Sex happens to be pretty, and fascinating in a way, it has it in its power to work sad havoc' I ought perhaps to say here—having regard for my personal safety, that these ungallant remarks on the fair sex are from one who is not a gentleman in any way, but—A Lady!

[1] Ones mind alike as to their age and sex.] The unsexed woman, is thus described by a writer in a publication whose title is Woman. 'The common or garden sort is rather plain than coloured. Stays it knows not nor needs, for Nature willed it otherwise. It is generally large in person, wearing pince-nez—not that its sight is dim, but rather the reverse—and close-cropped hair, parted at the side for preference. Its skirts are short, and its boots no man knoweth the size thereof. A hard "bowler" hat it wears, and a shiny, shapeless waterproof. Is there a nasty subject to debate in the House of Commons? It will be there in force, unless there chance to be something equally interesting at Exeter Hall, and then it will be sorry it cannot be in two places at once. The unhappy M.P. knows it, and fearfully he treads the Lobby. It has its pet parson, and its own particular organ in the London Press, and miserable man is heavily trampled on each succeeding week. It has its weaknesses, but "nerves" and other female follies it does not recognise. It has its orators, who will orate you wondrous well on blue-books or bigamy. Such is the Neuter Sex as it is known and dreaded of men. But when a petticoated person of the Neuter Sex happens to be pretty, and fascinating in a way, it has it in its power to work sad havoc' I ought perhaps to say here—having regard for my personal safety, that these ungallant remarks on the fair sex are from one who is not a gentleman in any way, but—A Lady!

[1]