fond of reading, I was employed in this way, and began, more from a conviction
of its propriety than any real concern about eternity, to read the Bible and
religious books, not only on the Sabbath, but a portion of Scripture every day.
I also began to pray to God, although almost entirely about the concerns of a
present world. During all this time I did not go on shore to public worship
above once or twice, though I could have done so, and heard the gospel with
the same form of worship (at Dr. Bogue's) as in Scotland. At length some
impressions seemed to be made on my mind that all was not right; and knowing
that the Lord's supper was to be dispensed, I was desirous of being admitted,
and went and spoke with Dr. Bogue on the subject. He put some books into
my hand on the nature of the ordinance, which I read, and was more regular
in prayer and attending public worship. An idea of quitting the sea at this
time was suggested, apparently by accident, and literally so, except in so far as
ordered of God. The thought sunk into my mind, and although there were
many obstacles, my inclination rather increased than abated. Being now in
the habit of prayer, I asked of God to order matters so that it might be brought
about, and formed resolutions of amendment, in case my prayer should be
heard. Several circumstances occurred which seemed to cut off every hope of
my being able to get away before the fleet sailed; yet the Lord overruled all to
further the business about two days before it left England. A concern about
my soul had very little influence in this step; yet I was now determined to
begin to make religion a matter of serious consideration. I was sure I was not
right. I had never joined at the Lord's supper, being formerly restrained partly
by conscience, while living in open sin, and partly by want of convenient
opportunities, and I had been prevented by my engagements in the week of
quitting the sea from joining at Gosport, as I had proposed. However dark my
mind still was, I have no doubt but that God began a work of grace on my
soul while living on board the Melville Castle. His voice was indeed still and
small, but I would not despise the day of small things, nor undervalue the least
of His gracious dealings towards me. There is no doubt that I had sinned
against more light than many of my companions who have been cut off in their
iniquities, and that I might justly have been made a monument of his wrath."
The result of these reasons may be easily surmised, enforced as they were by the earnest entreaties of his brother Robert, who had also quitted the navy, and was about to devote himself to that career of religious usefulness by which his whole life was afterwards distinguished. James Haldane accordingly sold his interest in the Melville Castle for a sum that insured him a decent independence for life, bade adieu to the sea for ever, and, on rejoining his wife in Scotland, and establishing a peaceful home in Edinburgh, he became a diligent student in theology in the best sense of the term. It was in this way that both the brothers qualified themselves for their appointed work. In their case it was from no sudden fit of enthusiasm that they devoted themselves to a career which excited the wonderment of society, and that had to be persevered in through much scorn and opposition for years; on the contrary, they were led to the faith upon which they acted through a long course of inquiry; and this being attained, they were able deliberately to count the cost, and prepare themselves for the sacrifice. In this spirit, while Robert was earnestly straining every nerve to obtain the privilege of deportation and exile as a missionary, James was qualifying himself for the equally humble and self-denying duties of an itinerant preacher. Had such instances occurred in the Romish Church, they would
