Page:A chambermaid's diary.djvu/426

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Of course I quit the house that night, and found myself once more on the street pavement.

What a dog of a trade ! What a dog of a life !

The blow -was a hard one, and I said to myself, but too late, that never should I find another place like that. There I had everything, — good wages, profits of all sorts, easy work, liberty, pleasures. I had only to let myself live. Another, less crazy than I, would have been able to put much money aside, and gradually accumulate a complete and beautiful wardrobe. Five or six years only, and who knows ? One could marry, buy a little busi- ness, have a home of one's own, secure against want and ill-luck, — almost a lady. But now the series of miseries must begin over again, and I submit anew to the offences of chance. I was much put out by this accident, and furious; furious against myself, against William, against Eugenie, against Madame, against everybody. Curious and inexplicable thing, — instead of clinging and hold- ing fast to my place, which would have been easy with a tjrpe like Madame, I had buried myself deeper in my stupidity, and, cheeking it through, I had rendered irreparable that which could have been repaired. What strange things take place in one at certain moments ! It passes understand- ing. It is like a fit of madness which falls upon you, you know not whence, you know not why, —