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be sworn before my Lord Mayor, that John and his nineteen men in buckram have abused me worse than a dog; for they told you that I play'd fast and go loose with the late parson and him in that old dispute of theirs about the reading desk, and that I made matters worse between them, and not better."
Of this charge Trim declared he was as innocent as the child that was unborn—that he would be book-sworn he had no hand in it.
He produced a strong witness, and moreover insinuated, that John himself, instead of being angry for what he had done in it, had actually thanked him Aye, Trim, says the wight in the plush breeches, but that was, Trim, the day before John found thee out. Besides, Trim, there is nothing in that; for the very year that you was made town's pounder, thou knowest well, that I both thanked thee my self, and moreover gave thee a good warm supper for turning John Lund's cows and horses out of my hard corn close, which, if thou hadst not done, (as thou told'st me), I should have lost my whole crop; whereas John Lund and Thomas Patt, who are both here to testify, and are both willing to take their oaths on't, that thou thyself was the very man who set the gate open—and after all, it was not thee, Trim, 'twas the blacksmith's poor lad who turned them out—so that a man may be thanked and rewarded too for a good turn which he never did, nor ever did intend.
Trim could not sustain this unexpected stroke—so Trim marched off the field without colours flying, or his horn sounding, or any other ensigns of honour whatever.—Whether after this Trim intends to rally a second time—or whether he may not take it into his head to claim the victory—none but Trim him self can inform you.
However, the general opinion upon the whole is this, that, in three several pitch'd battles, Trim has been so trimm'd as never disastrous hero was trimm'd before.
FINIS.
