Fine. A bribe paid by a rich man to escape the lawful penalty of his crime. In China such bribes are paid to the judge personally; in America they are paid to him as agent for the public. But it makes no difference to the men who pay them—nor to the men who can't pay them.
Firmness. A form of stupidity; proof of an inability to think the same thing out twice.
Friendship. A mutual belief in the same fallacies, mountebanks, hobgoblins and imbecilities.
Gentleman. One who never strikes a woman without provocation; one on whose word of honor the betting odds are at least 1 to 2.
Happiness. Peace after effort, the overcoming of difficulties, the feeling of security and well-being. The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
Hell. A place where the Ten Commandments have a police force behind them.
Historian. An unsuccessful novelist.
Honeymoon. The time during which the bride believes the bridegroom's word of honor.
Hope. A pathological belief in the occurrence of the impossible.
Humanitarian. One who would be sin-
