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Now it happened when Wise Willy turned old he
took a great swelling in his wame, and casting up of his kail, collops and cauld fish, that nothing staid on his stomach, and a stout stomach had he, for crab- heads or scate brose, or fat brose on a bridal morning yet it fail'd him, he fell sick and none could cure him or tell what ail’d him, till a mounteback stage doctor, came to Kircaldy that could judge by people’s piss the troubles of their person, und Willy hearing of his fame, pissed into a bottle, and sent it away with his daughter; the bottle being uncorked, his daughter spilt it by the way, and to conceal her sloth in so do- ing pissed in it herself, and on she goes, comes to the stage and cries, sir dochter, sir dochter, here is a bot- tle o’ my father’s wash, he has a sair guts, never needs to drite ony, he spues a’ he eats, it's true I tell you my dow: the doctor looks at it, and says, it’s not your fa- ther’s surely it’s your mother’s, a deil's i’ the man co' she, divna I ken my father by my mither? then said he, he is wi’ child, a deil’s i the man co’ she for my mither bore a' de bairns before, dats no true sir a figs ye’re a great liar, home she came, an tell'd Willy her father that the doctor said he was wi' bairn O waes me, co’ Willy, for I hae a muckle wame, an I fear it’s o’er true, O plague on you Janet for ye’re the father o’t, and I’m sure to die in the bearing o’t. Witty Ep- pie was sent for, as she was a houdy and fand a Willy's wame to be sure about it, indeed co’ Eppie, ye’re the first man e’er I saw wi’ bairn before, and how you’ll bear’t I dinna ken, ye hae a wally wame weel I wat but how men bear bairns I never saw them yet, but I wou’d drink sa’t water an drown't in my guts for an men get anes the gait o' bearing weans, they’ll seek nae mair wives, so Willy drank sea water till his guts was like to rive, an out he goes to ease himself amang the kail, and wi’ the terrible hurl of farting, up starts a mauken behind
