There is a bottle of my father's waſh, he has a ſair guts, never needs to drite ony, he ſpues a' he eats, tis true I teil you my dow; the doctor looks at it, and then ſays, it is not your father's, ſurely 'tis your mother's, a dei'l's i' the man, ſaid he, divna I ken my father by my mither, then ſaid he, he is with child; a de'il's i' the man, co ſhe, for my mither, bore a de o bairns before, dats no true ſir, a figs ye are a great liar, home ſhe comes and tell'd Willie her father that the doctor ſaid he was wi' bairn. O waes me, co' Willie, for I hae a muckle wame, and I fear 'tis o'er true, O plague on you Janet, for ye're the father o't, and I am ſure to die in the bearing o't. Witty Eppie was ſent for, as ſhe was a houdy, and fand a' Willy's wame to be ſure about it; Indeed co' Eppie, ye're the first man e'er I ſaw wi' bairn before; and how ye'll hear't I dinna ken, ye have a wally wame weel I wat, but how men bears bairns I never ſaw them yet, but I would drink ſa't water and drown't in my guts, for an men get ance the gate o' bearing weans themſelves, they'll ſeek nae maer wives: ſo Willie drank ſea water till his guts was like to rive, and out he got to eaſe himſelf amang the kail, and with the terrible hurle of farting, up ſtarts a mauken behind him, thought it was ſhot, Willie ſees it jumping o'er the dyke, thought it was a child brought forth, cries come back my dear and be chriſtened, and no rin to the hills and be a pagan, ſo Willie grew better every day thereafter, being brought to bed in the kail yard: but his daughter was brought to bed ſome months thereafter, which was the cauſe of the doctor's miſtake.
PART II.
Now Wiſe Willy had a daughter, called Roliching Jenny, becauſe ſhe ſpoke thick, ſix words at three times, half ſenſe and half nonſenſe, as her own words and actions will bear witneſs. She being wi' child was brought to bed of a bonny laſs bairn: and a' the wives in the town cried, be-go-laddie,
A5
