how my companion would conduct himself with a genuine fille.
Only when I could not avoid it, either because of force or because of insistent entreaty on the part of a kind companion, paedicatio took place. I would sometimes be beaten into submission, and knives would be drawn on me by the most desperate ruffians of the slums. Anus evidenter attrahit a very small percentage of men, just as the pudenda does the normal individual. Tangebant atque dicebant, " Anus pulcher." My intense moral horror of paedicatio experienced at the beginning of my fairie days gradually declined. I later enjoyed it somewhat only because I enjoyed witnessing all kinds of amorous conduct on the part of ultra-virile young men. I had a craze to see them sexually excited, and to sce the means they instinctively took to appease their ardor. The pain to me was generally excruciating—ad magnitudinem priapi— and has sometimes rendered walking painful for months together. It also occasionally brought on hemorrhoids of brief duration, but so painful as to render walking almost impossible. It is attended with much risk to the pathic. I know of two who were compelled to undergo serious operations as a result of repeatedly permitting it, one of whom in his early forties was invalided for the rest of his life. In my own case, paedicatio occurred only about fifty times out of sixteen hundred instances of coitus.
Up to the age of thirty, two years after castration, I was seemingly never satisfied. I have expressed to a group of companions the wish to die through them as
